Blogging for kids

Vesper has been reading my blog recently (yeah, this one). She chanced upon it when she was googling her name or her siblings’. (Horrors! Exposed to the internet at a young age of 7.5 years old) She was amused by my musings and most of all, what I thought of them kids. 

Yesterday, she asked if she could have her own blog. 

What do you want to write about, I asked. 

She wanted to talk about the pesky boys in her class. 

Oh no no, you don’t go complaining about people or write nasty stuff about people. It’s the internet, baby. Anyone can read what you write. 

Unless, I added, you make your blog private. 

She raised her brows, then no one can read except myself?

I gave the affirmative reply. 

Then what’s the point of having the blog if no one can read it? I might as well keep a diary book! She exclaimed in mock frustration. 

She got the point. And understood well both the appeal and the responsibility of posting on the internet. 

I’m more surprised by what a millennial she is- wanting people out there to read her blog! A scary thought too at how she was already wanting to connect with the online community, whatever dangers lurk out there. 

"Spend time with me"

Vesper is vocal about what she wants and is not embarrassed to ask for it. One of the requests she makes mostly of me is to spend time with her. 

I was able to do a lot that when i wasn't working- send her to and fro school (and enjoying the chats during the journey), having lunch together, prac piano/ spelling/ 听写, reading books, going to the playground, swimming etc. 

Now that i started working, the time is divided among her and the other 2. Especially when primary school demanded more time from me, my time with Vesper lessened. 

The best I could do was to lie with her before bedtime, chit chat and tell stories. To me, i fulfilled "spending time" with her.

But to her, it wasn't. 

Her frequent grouse is that i don't soend time with her. But didn't i lie down with you, tell you stories blah blah blah. I retorted. 

Not counted, came the grumble and she would get angry with me and stopped talking to me. 

I was at a loss so i sought my counsel- clem. 

Aha, he said, u must know what spending time to her means. 

Aiyo, why this gal extra demanding. Ok ok for world peace, i will do just that. 

So i must play her fav games with her e.g. Sophia the first monopoly, code breaker etc. 

One night, i specially called out to her n said let't play code breaker together! And we had a wonderful time. 

Two days later, she got angry with me again for the same reason n i jumped to my own defence, i just played with you two nights ago! No you didn't! Yes i did!

Anyway, no guesses on who lost in the end- me. You have such a bad memory! I sulked. 

I turned to my counsel again. 

Aha, when u do spend time with her, u must tell her u r spending time with her. Then it will register. 

So troublesome this gal. 

Today, i had the whole day of being with her. Just the two of us. 

After she was done spelling and stuff, i asked if she'd like to play. And left it totally to her to decide. 

And we played most of the games she likes. 

In between, i kept asking. Is it great that mummy is spending time with you? Yes, she smiled happily. And kept coming to my side to hug me. 

I hope i've redeemed myself. And must be mindful to "spend time" with her, according to her definition. And while i do that, must reinforce that i'm doing what i'm doing. A lot of management communication principles:

First, tell people what you r going to do. 

Next, do it. 

When you r doing it, tell people yiu r doing it. 

After you have done it, tell people u did it.

Practising on my youngest key stakeholder. 

Will she remember tomorrow? 

Recycling ang baos

Every year nearing CNY, it would be a mad rush to get cash for ang bao and we only packed ang baos on 初一 itself. 

Now with time on my hands, i decided to go through the stash accumulated over the years for we were too busy (or lazy!) to bank in the kids' ang bao money. 

What we'd do is to just transfer $$ to their bank accounts. Then we will "re-use" the $2 / $10 notes for following year's angbao. No need to queue up! I know, we will lose interest earned but in the name of convenience!

There were unopened ang baos from previous years! Ok, to add these to existing stack and divide among the 3 kids. I dun bother with which is whose. Afterall, they receive from same people so should have same amount right??

Found these ang baos given by hubby which i hadn't opened. Suddenly feeling richer! Woohoo! Cheap thrills of a new SAHM. Now no regular income, sudden discoveries like this is like windfall! 💵💵💰💰

And found this from my darling son. He has no money to give then but gave this to bless me. Such a sweetheart 😍

Sticky

Among the three, Vesper is the stickiest to me. I mean, the other two stuck to their father even as babies. Clem would rock and carry them to sleep and they loved being cradled by daddy.

Not Vesper. As a newborn, she would scream and cry for hours when Clem carried her. The surprising part was he was her main caregiver during confinement. He bathed her, changed her. The only thing I did was to breastfeed her (as I did with the other two). But this gal simply won't let me go.

At night, I would let Clem rock her to sleep and they would struggle for hours and I slept. Clem never gave up. One night, I awoke to still hear her screaming and two hours had passed! I quickly took over and instantly, Vesper became silent and fell asleep.

One night, in between the struggle between babe and dad, Clem joked that it must be my "smell". Un-amused, I threw Clem a piece of unwashed top that I wore. He put it on his shoulder and placed screaming Vesper on it.

Quiet. Instantly.

We were both so amazed at what happened and we broke into laughter. Then, Clem insisted that I keep a piece of unwashed top every night.

Whenever I am around, Vesper only wants me. As Clem said, Vesper can enjoy the whole day with him but once I reach home, everyone else around her is oblivious to her. She only wants me.

I love carrying her. I think among the three, I carried her the most. Her petite size is a plus point so my arms don't ache as much.

She kept me really busy. In the past, whenever we went out, I could eat and shop. This time, I couldn't cos I HAD to carry her. Clem sniggered to me and said it was to pay back for the 1st two.

Not funny.

Vesper at 11 days old

stealing time

Once we became parents, couple time becomes non-existent. Not to mention couple time, even personal me-time is zilch. I can't eat my dinner in peace. Even when I shower or use the toilet, one kid will be there asking me to look at their painting, ipad game, writing, goodie bag from school etc. (Err... yes, I have an "open door" policy.)

Basically when we are home or with the kids, they will just clamour up to us and want every second of our time. Of course I relish all these, for when they grow up, hanging around mom and dad is no longer cool. But sometimes after a day's work, we just want to wind down, eat our dinner, talk to our spouse about our day.

We decided that we will just steal time.

When I was pregger, Clem would send me to work and fetch me home. It didn't make sense, if you see it in an economic and practical sense. His office is just 10 min's drive from home. It wastes time, petrol, ERP charges to send and fetch me from CBD area. But he didn't mind it. And because I said this was the only time we can have uninterrupted conversation, he made this a routine.

Then it got better. From car rides, we progressed to breakfast. So we enjoy our mornings together having breakfast at Amoy, Tanjong Pagar Market, Maxwell etc. I treasure these moments alot, as these are times we shared our challenges, our joys, our struggles, our aspirations.

If not for such moments, we would have missed out on each other's lives. We don't want to come to a point where when the kids grow up and have their own lives, suddenly we realise that this person sleeping next to us has become a stranger. That we have no more kids-topic to talk about and we don't know what else to say.

So we constantly look for time to steal. When the kids are in school, and we take leave. When the kids are napping and we do grocery shopping and have tea. When they are asleep and we have supper.

 Having supper holding Vesper in my arms. Not fair? At least she doesn't interrupt our conversation!

It's fun looking for time to steal. Well, of course it helped having a helper or grandparents.

Hmmm... should we catch a performance next Sunday afternoon while they are napping?

firstborn

I always wonder if firstborns ever face any pressure. Pressure of living up to their parents' expectations. Pressure of being a role model to their younger siblings.

As the first child, firstborns are given undivided attention. Daddy and mummy are there to guide their every step, coach them to perfect their speech and repeat melodies to catch that perfect pitch.

When Verity came along, we would ask him to give in to her, to be a good example as she would follow his ways

I wonder if Cavan feels any pressure.

Clem says I'm stricter with Cavan. Though I beg to differ. I thought I scolded Verity more. I smack her more. Because Verity is more rebellious and stubborn.

Maybe Clem is right. Verity can get away with most wrongdoing. Because she is as stubborn as a mule. Doesn't help that she has such a cute and innocent face. And i get tired of fighting with her. (Such irony. Since when I get tired of fighting. Must be age.)

For Cavan, when he doesn't obey the first time, I get mad. Because he's so obedient and willing to please. I guess I can't accept it when he doesn't listen the first time.

One night before bedtime,

Me: Children, go and brush your teeth.
(no response)
Me: (raising my voice) Children, go and brush your teeth!
Verity: I don't want!
Me: Cavan, go and brush your teeth.
Cavan: Verity doesn't want to brush her teeth, I also...

Suddenly, he stopped and caught himself. Then he continued.

Cavan:... I will still go and brush my teeth. I will be a good example.


I was surprised by the response. I totally didn't expect it from a five-year-old child.

Of course, I praised him to no end. I'm so proud of him for doing the right thing. I don't know this is because he is aware of his "responsibilities" as the oldest child. Or simply because he's such a pleaser.

One thing I know is, Cavan is a such a perfect son. The kind of son I've always wanted.

I'm so honoured to be chosen to be his mother. It's my blessing he is chosen to be my firstborn.

Touched

I have been touched by my children.

Just last 2 months when Clem was overseas, I slept with the 2 kids on our bed. We usually would take turns to pray before going to sleep. It was very sweet to hear the children's prayers, as they would pray whatever came to their mind.

Cavan: Dear God, I miss Daddy. I pray he will be safe and come back soon. Lord, I pray he will not go to USA because then we cannot see Daddy. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Verity: Dear God, I love Daddy forever the more. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

One night, Cavan got up to pee. As he returned to the bed, he actually placed the blanket over me and kissed me on my cheek. I was so filled with emotion that I reached over and gave him a hug and a kiss. Then he whispered, "I love you, mommy."

A few nights ago, I was touched by Verity. This feisty gal does not display as much affection as her brother. Cavan hugs and kisses easily. And he is always full of loving words. At most Verity would just follow suit.

That night, when it was her turn to pray, she said,

"Dear God, I pray mommy not work late and not tired. Then we can play monkey. I also pray for kor kor, that no cough and no need to eat pi par kao. In Jesus' Name, Amen!"

I was not expecting this at all. She was un-guided and used the little words she knew. But she expressed her prayer with such love and sincerity, I couldn't believe it came from a two-year-old.

I am truly amazed how at such a tender age, she understood what a prayer was and what it meant to talk to God. And she knew about putting a request before God.

From these, I could see that it was God working in their lives. His Spirit reaches the hearts of the children. Verity couldn't have understood the concept of prayer as it was an abstract action. But she was able to, because she was led by the Spirit of God.

Truly, I give thanks to God. For showing Himself through the children. As much as I am touched, I am also humbled.

meet-and-greets

I didn't understand why people bothered to queue and wait for 15-20 min shows at shopping malls, to see prancing cartoon characters on stage. You can watch from the side, can't you?

When we were dating, I told Clem there was no way I would queue up for these in future, if we had kids.

When we had Cavan, I said Clem could queue and watch the show with our kid and I'd go shopping.

I ate my words recently. Double portion.

We joined the queue and I SAT IN at the show. And I had my picture taken with Thomas and the Fat Controller.

To be honest, I was even the one who suggested it. Seeing the ads in the papers that Thomas and Friends would be staging meet-and-greet at Marina Square, my first response was, "I must bring the kids there!"

And I was the one kiasu about the whole thing. I wanted to go for the earlier session at 11am, since the kids usually wake up really early anyway. So I planned our marketing and breakfast time, so we could get to MS really early. We reached there slightly before 10am.

We hung around the stage area and never stepped outside THE ZONE. When Clem suggested we went elsewhere, I snapped and said, "What? We came all the way for the show. What if we couldn't get in the show when the queue grew?"

Half an hour before the show, the area was cordoned off and lanes were prepared for queues. There was no one queueing. Then, a pair of siblings sat at the start of the lane. I hastened Clem to join in behind them. So there he was, with Cavan at 2nd position. I was mighty pleased.

Our kiasu act prompted everyone else to follow suit. Soon, the queue snaked round and round.

We got to sit in the first row on the floor! I felt a great sense of achievement! I participated as eagerly answering trivial bits about Thomas and Friends and toot-tootering away with the audience.

As I sat at the square and saw people around, suddenly I was brought to mind those things I said before about meet-and-greets! What a change of mentality I have now...

Can't deny the fact that kids can change you. Anything we'd do to see their happy faces. All worth it!

Miss Why

Verity: Mummy, I want go swimming pool.

Me: No.

Verity: Huh, why?

Me: Because it looks like it's going to rain soon.

Verity: Why?

This is a typical exchange between Verity and me. The endless "whys" usually happen if the answer is "no". And I thought the whys only happen with pre-schoolers. At her age, or so I read, she should be a Miss No. Meaning, everything we ask her to do, she will say "No".

Verity challenges authority, and does whatever she wants. I have an issue with that, because no one defies me. Clement says I have found my match. We are both very stubborn. But Verity wins. Because she uses no logic nor reason. And I simply can't fight with someone without reason.

So I introduced punishment. Something I did not have to introduce to Cavan when he was very young, since he was usually very compliant.

When Verity was 8 or 9 months old, she loved to take off her shoes and bite on the shoes. One day she took them off and was about to do the un-doable. I warned her, "If you bite the shoes, Mummy is going to smack your hand."

She paused a while, took a bite on her shoe and then GAVE ME HER HAND TO SMACK. She'd rather do whatever she liked and suffer the consequence!

Really, we'll have to instil more discipline on the gal than her brother because of her strong character. Sometimes we fail, because that strong character is wrapped up in a sweet, innocent face.

Verity: Mummy, open the shweet.

Me: No.

Verity: Why?

Me: Because you are about to eat lunch. After lunch.

Verity: Mummy, open shweet now!

Me: No! Later.

Verity: Mummy, open now. I want shweet. I want shweet! (and goes on forever before screaming and crying and becomes unconsolable, then refusing lunch and everything.)

I lose.

Smell Fetish

Ok, maybe "fetish" is an exaggerated word. But Verity seems to have a thing for smelling. Especially my clothes. Then she will either give a verdict whether it's "Nice", "Yucks!" or go on smelling to no end.

I'm between being super irritated having my blouse being tugged till it turns out of shape and exposing my bra strap, and being amused at her expression.

Perhaps this is her expression of establishing closeness and attachment. To me, I am of course happy that my gal wants a piece of me. But it's kind of embarrassing to expose my skin and strap in public, however open I may be.

Anyway, just let it be. I've never been really discreet anyway. ; p

One-to-one Sunday mornings

On Sunday mornings, Clem would teach at 9am Children's Church. The kids also wake up early, and Cavan would insist on following daddy out. (We attend Sat service so usually we have our Sundays free.) Sometimes, Clem would bring him to church. If he is teaching, he can't bring Cavan along.

I thought it would be a good time to bond with my son over breakfast. So we trooped to Mac's one Sunday and BK the next. It was good to have this time talking to him and just spending time alone. Especially when he is now very gender-conscious and follows only daddy because he is a boy. He doesn't want to stick to me because he is not a girl. So at times like these without daddy, we can truly be together. Hope to make this a regular affair.

I would also love to spend such one-to-one time with Verity when she's older. Now, she'll only be squirming around and raring to run amok...

I luv Mac's breakfast... bcos of the toys!

Examining the Christmas decor early in the morning

Gobbling up ham and egg crossanwich all by myself...

...Also eating up mummy's hash brown and eggs

Butter also whack!

Reading & making friends at Border's

Confusion

Sometimes we adults can send such confusing messages to our kids! We, for one, are no exception.

"Don't take so long to eat your dinner. Eat quickly!"
"Don't eat so fast otherwise you'll choke!"

So Daddy/ Mummy, should I eat quickly or slowly?

"You're a big boy now, you must use the potty."
"No, you can't use the knife. You're too young!"

So Daddy/ Mummy, am I old enough or still too young?

"Huh? You woke up already? Go back to sleep!"
"Quickly, wake up! Late already!"

So Daddy/ Mummy, when should I have more sleep and when to wake up quickly?

Daddy, Mummy, I'm so confused!

Return of the Working Mama

Tomorrow, I will return to the rat race. Admittedly, I've been looking forward to this day. However, as the day draws nearer, I'm beginning to have mixed feelings. Half of me wants to stay home.

Think I enjoyed this maternity leave more than the previous, though more exhausting. Reason being I had a conversation partner- Cavan. During my 1st maternity leave, there was only baby Cavan. I didn't have a decent adult conversation the whole day. Only monologue. And the replies came in "Wahhhhh!", "Eh eh eh", "Gurgle, gurgle." As you can see, I'm a social being. I need to talk!

Well, the things I'll miss when I return to work:

* enjoying private mornings with Cavan, dunking our wheat crackers in milo kosong

* hearing him yell, "Mommy, I'm home already!" as he returns from PG before letting loose on the happenings at PG

* feeling the warmth of Verity's tiny body while rocking her on my shoulder, and having her sleep on my chest

* watching Verity's satisfied face after nursing her

* seeing my 2 kids interact with each other

* watching my 2 kids asleep in the mornings and savouring every moment gazing at their serene, cherubic faces