Bye Auntie (See You Again!)

Nancy went home last Fri before her contract ended.

Her estranged husband of 8 years suddenly returned home and wanted to sell her house and take her two daughters. Having no other choice, she had to return home to settle this problem (a divorce) and requested for 2 weeks' leave. I asked her if 2 weeks were really enough to settle it. I mean, divorce is really a complicated matter which is not easily settled within 2 weeks.

I was afraid she was without help and that she would be taken advantage of by her husband. In this case, it was obvious that it was money he was after. So I started to research on the Family Law in Philippines to see what options might Nancy have and read 66 pages full of legal terms.
Divorce was not allowed in the Philippines law. They can annul the marriage. To begin with, they don't have marriage certs like we do.

Armed with more knowledge, I discussed with her the options and how she could get out of it with minimal losses. This was the least I can do to help her. I was full of sympathy for her as she had left to make ends meet and to pay off debts incurred by her husband and family. Before she could even start saving a decent sum, here came one more wave to drown her with financial woes. Hence, we helped her out by paying for the bigger ticket items for her trip back.

I checked with her frequently on updates back home. My concern was whether 2 weeks were sufficient. I was relieved when she told me she managed to contact her aunt who was a lawyer. (Whoa, not bad huh, got lawyer in her family) Her aunt would help her make arrangements in her absence.

So on 17 Apr night, she left for home. Seriously, we don't know whether we'd see her again. Maybe she would decide to stay home and not come back. I've heard stories once they saw their children, they just couldn't bear to leave them again.

The next morning, I received an sms from Nancy, thanking us and saying how much she missed the 2 babies. (yes, she referred to Cavan and Verity as babies and darlings). For me, I just wanted her safely home and safely back.

When I went to church, a nursery helper told me that Nancy had mentioned to her that she was going back. And the helper gave the impression that Nancy might not return.

I was disheartened when I heard that. But we were quite prepared for that. We had to imagine the worst possible scenario so we would be prepared if that happened. I haven't heard from her one week since she left although I told to sms me once she reached home safely.

However, somehow we had the confidence that Nancy would return:

1. Her reluctance to go back. She ever mentioned that when her 2 years' contract was up, she'd rather take the money for her air ticket home than to go home.

2. She invited my dad to follow her back to the Philippines. They were quite close and I'm quite sure Nancy misses him too.

3. One night, Cavan told me that Auntie promised him a gift when she returns- chewing gum.
All these pointed to her resolve to return.

We shall see. *fingers crossed*

Smell Fetish

Ok, maybe "fetish" is an exaggerated word. But Verity seems to have a thing for smelling. Especially my clothes. Then she will either give a verdict whether it's "Nice", "Yucks!" or go on smelling to no end.

I'm between being super irritated having my blouse being tugged till it turns out of shape and exposing my bra strap, and being amused at her expression.

Perhaps this is her expression of establishing closeness and attachment. To me, I am of course happy that my gal wants a piece of me. But it's kind of embarrassing to expose my skin and strap in public, however open I may be.

Anyway, just let it be. I've never been really discreet anyway. ; p

The Rainbow and God's Promise

My breath was taken away, as I was walking home last Wed evening. I stopped at my track and wondered at such a beautiful sight. It was the biggest and most distinct rainbow I had ever seen.

I quickly called home and asked the kids to look out of the window while I dashed home to enjoy the moment together.

Cavan, awed by the gigantic arc across the sky, began to name the colours he saw while Verity peered through the window sill, wondering what the fuss was all about. Cavan then asked why was there a rainbow?

First, I gave a scientific explanation while trying to avoid jargons. It happens when sunlight bounces off small droplets of water in the air. It also shows God's love to us.

That night, we brought the kids out after dinner and told Cavan he could choose a book to buy. He chose one on Noah and the Ark. How nicely everything fitted into place!

That night during bedtime, we must have read the story many times. We reminded Cavan (and ourselves) that the rainbow shows us that God keeps His promises and that He loves us.

Thank you, God, for reminding us with a huge rainbow in case we miss it. Thank you for being with us every step of the way. May we not forget your presence in the midst of our busyness and continue to walk alongside with You. Amen!

Planning His Birthday

I think kids probably understand better what birthdays are all about after their 3rd birthday. For the first 3, birthday parties are pretty much what the parents want. Particularly for Cavan, he was rather nonchalant and dismissively just mentioned his invitees. For the 4th, the birthday star wants a say.

Birthday Theme
For Cavan's 4th birthday, he actually told me that he wanted a Disney Cars themed birthday around late Oct/ early Nov last year. This movie was out around three years ago! I was not sure if I could find stuff for the theme. And he was insistent about it. Thankfully, he told me early so I had time to source - in ebay, Spotlight, Toys 'R Us, pasar malams. As for the cake, he had a 3D car cake for his 3rd birthday already so I settled for a Swensen's ice cream cake with McQueen printed on it.

Wish fulfilled!

Invite List
OK, he had his way in the kind of birthday party he wanted. Next, was his guest list. I asked him who he wanted to invite for his birthday. He named three - Miss Gracie, Albert and one more person I couldn't remember who. I said, is that all? He replied yes. Well, it's going to be a quiet birthday party I think. Is there anyone else you want to invite, I asked. He thought for a while and said excitedly, oh yes! Mr Bean! I said, erm ok, it's going to be very expensive flying him to Singapore. Anyone else? He thought for a while and said, Power Rangers! Trying not to discourage him, I asked gently, ok is there anyone you want to invite that you don't see on TV?

So, Cavan this time wanted a say who he wished to see at his birthday party. That morning of his birthday, he asked if Ms Lilian was coming. Oops, no we didn't invite her. From here we know he wanted to include his teacher in his birthday celebration. This year we didn't celebrate in school since his birthday fell on a Sunday.

Cavan and his little friends

Countdown
He was really excited about it this time and kept asking, is it my birthday yet, like a broken record. We would tell him his birthdate, report the day and month and how long more to go. He began to learn about the concept of time through this. We also pointed him to the calendar and he learnt the concept of days and weeks. Finally it came down to next week, three days later and TOMORROW! Ya, he was so excited he woke up at 2.30am to help with decor.

Putting up for my party!

Prayer
The birthday party was one of the items he incorporated into his nightly prayers. Gosh, I didn't know it meant so much to him! It was nice hearing him talk to God about his plans and wishes and committing them to God.

Birthday Activity
He had told me that he wanted to make his own birthday cake. The Icing Room provided just that. So we took leave the next day to bring him to decor his own cake. He was looking forward to it! And he enjoyed it! After which, he couldn't wait to eat his own cake so we had it at New York New York. He wanted to eat straight from the cake tray, instead of cutting it. So we had to finish the whole cake in one sitting! Thankfully, it wasn't big!

Having his cake and eat it

We were really glad we managed to fulfil most of his wishes except for the Mr Bean and Power Rangers bit. The greatest fulfilment was when at the end of the day, he hugged us and said, "Thank you daddy, mummy! I'm really happy today!"

100 Days

Probably not the best thing to talk about during CNY, but today marks the 100th day since my mom's passing.

Till now, I find it hard to relate in detail about her death. I don't even want to think about it. I can't even bear to look at her photos. It just brings so much pain to my heart and I miss her so much.

Nevertheless, there were several thanksgivings. I'd probably blog about them next time.

I had talked about how different CNY would be without Mom, and this year we distinctly felt the difference.

Just by going to the market made me think of her. She loved the crowd and bustle during CNY, and would often go to the market during the mornings and nights to pick out the freshest. I felt I was plugging in the gap by going to the market on her behalf. We also went to the Jurong West pasar malam. No doubt it was without her, but somehow (unspokenly) we felt we had gone on her behalf.

Just passing by Chinatown made me think of her. She loved to soak in the atmosphere, never mind the crowd. I couldn't stand the crowd so we went to People's Park for a short while. I felt that I had done my duty.

Following her tradition, I bought new PJs for my kids and changed new bedsheets. Just a week ago, Dad passed me a set of PJs my mom bought for me last year. I couldn't bear to open to look at them.

I did what Mom would have done - buying Verity a set of Chinese costume. Very cheena, but Mom would have gushed with delight.

Waking up in the morning of 1st day, I thought of her veg bee hoon, her succulent meatballs with chestnuts and prawns, the smell of her sweet date soup and other foods she would prepare on 初一. I shall attempt to replicate these next time.

I was mentally prepared that Mom wouldn't be around for CNY this year but I am still coming to terms with this fact.

There are traditions from Mom that I am determined to keep, and to provide my children with these memories of CNY.

Ok, this year I was a little lazy and didn't carry them out full force. Next year then.

a child's prayer

It's always sweet to hear a child's prayer, for it comes from a believing heart unhibited by the world's constraints and reason.

Here's one un-guided prayer (verbatim) from Cavan as he prayed before bed last night. Something I'd like to remember and something for him to look back on in the years to come.

"Dear God, I pray for my throat, that it will become better.

Today is not my birthday yet. Pray that myself, daddy, mummy, verity, auntie, ah gong, ah ma, yeye, ah ngin, my teachers and my friends will all be there. On my birthday. Pray that we will be happy.

We also pray for my sister. Pray that she will grow up quickly. I am a strong boy because I can carry Verity. Also pray that she will learn to talk quickly, and don't talk like a baby.

In Jesus' Name, Amen!"

Snip Snip

Cavan hates going to the barber/ hairdresser. Not that I mind, for I also enjoy snipping his chops off. I find it strangely therapeutic, as I clip off uneven locks and see his hair get neater. This is as good as squeezing Clem's blackheads.

I started cutting Cavan's hair when he turned one. The haircut before that was horrible. My in-laws brought him to an inexperienced hairdresser when he was nine months old (without informing us).

I was horrified when I saw him. The hair was unevenly cut, patchy and looked that it had been bitten off. My parents couldn't take it and sent him off to a barber the next day to straighten things up.

I couldn't take it anymore and decided that I, as a mother, should have a final say over my son's hairstyle.

That's was when I became a mommy-hairdresser.

Good for us too, since Cavan's hair grows really fast and I need to cut it 2x every month.

I started out humbly using a rounded-tip scissors to prevent causing hurt to Cavan. Eventually I graduated to the hairdresser scissors and layering scissors some more!My tools

How about Cavan's reaction. Initially he didn't like it cos I would strip his clothes off, and pour powder on him. He would become warm and sticky and had the prickling hair stuck on him. Poor thing, it was uncomfortable but hey, bear with it! Before

The process

Tada!

Even when I was expecting, that didn't stop me (ya, and not even after giving birth, during confinement). Only that the bathroom was tight for me to move around and I also had to squat to cut at the nape.

I was tempted to upgrade my tools to a Philips shaving set. But I heard feedback from buyers that it is hard to control the shaver and more likely to get uneven cut. So I dropped the idea.

I was also tempted to cut Clem's hair. He would visit the barber/ hairdresser every month so I offered it free of charge.

Well, he didn't take up the offer (hmph!). So I have to rely on Cavan as my only source of therapy then. Verity? No way, that squirming gal.

One-to-one Sunday mornings

On Sunday mornings, Clem would teach at 9am Children's Church. The kids also wake up early, and Cavan would insist on following daddy out. (We attend Sat service so usually we have our Sundays free.) Sometimes, Clem would bring him to church. If he is teaching, he can't bring Cavan along.

I thought it would be a good time to bond with my son over breakfast. So we trooped to Mac's one Sunday and BK the next. It was good to have this time talking to him and just spending time alone. Especially when he is now very gender-conscious and follows only daddy because he is a boy. He doesn't want to stick to me because he is not a girl. So at times like these without daddy, we can truly be together. Hope to make this a regular affair.

I would also love to spend such one-to-one time with Verity when she's older. Now, she'll only be squirming around and raring to run amok...

I luv Mac's breakfast... bcos of the toys!

Examining the Christmas decor early in the morning

Gobbling up ham and egg crossanwich all by myself...

...Also eating up mummy's hash brown and eggs

Butter also whack!

Reading & making friends at Border's

7th-Year Itch

What do you do when you experience an itch? You going scratching, of course!

But in the right way ok?

After seven years of dating, Clem and I married. Now, we are married for seven years. I teased him, "Seven years already. Itchy or not?" "Yes, very itchy. Let's have another baby!" Beep, beep (but censor broke down)... Hope the above dialogue is not too R(A)!

I really don't know how my life would turn out without Clem. He's been such a pillar in my life. I'm especially thankful, cos I know I'm not an easy person to live with. I have high expectations, a sharp tongue, hate housework and chores, and literally depend on him for many things. Yet he loves me unconditionally, and gives me all he can to see me happy. I truly know from him, that love is not just an emotion but an action.

HIs love to me is extended to my family. He is a good son to my parents. Whenever my parents needed to go anywhere, he'd play chauffeur. During my mom's battle with cancer and treatment, he chauffeured her to the hospital whenever he could. When the housemen acted unprofessionally, he was there to give them a dressing down and made sure my mom received good treatment and service. When the hospital lapsed in its processes, he took the case with the hospital going up to the Medical Affairs and MP. His love for my parents touch me tremendously. I could never imagine I deserve someone like him.

I'm really grateful to God for giving me such a wonderful gift. May I will always be reminded to love him with gentleness and tenderness. Not exactly how I will normally be described. But I'll try.

Here's looking at us!