Maternity Clothes? No way!

I am sure glad that I didn't need to buy maternity clothes at all durring my pregnancy! (also didn't buy any when expecting Cavan.) They are expensive, mostly frumpy and, what am I going to do with them after birth?

Friends ask me where I get my clothes from so I share a few tips with them. Actually during this pregnancy, the boho style were in, so I did not have to worry. Loose clothings, flare tops were common, so almost every retail shop carried something I could wear. My normal size some more!

I could also always count on dear Mango, which carries a range of stretchy tops and bottoms with elastic bands.

Now I can still wear them, in my post-natal-neither-here-nor-there kind of size and figure. Some people still have to resort to wear maternity clothes post-birth cos they still can't fit into their normal clothes. So buy smart, and save money!

*Ahem*! Fashion Show below:

20 wks preg.
Top: Esprit, Skirt: New Balance

22 wks

Gold top: Mango, Flare pants: Pasar Malam

23 wks
Top: Esprit, Hipster denim skirt ($10): Factory outlet

24 wks
Top: Esprit, Flare pants: Pasar Malam

25 wks
White top: Giorgano, Jacket: Padini, 3/4 hipster pants: Billabong, Belt: Esprit

31 wks

Top: Pull and Bear, Skirt: Mango

33 wks

Black camisole: Mango, Linen skirt: Mango, Knitted wear: No brand

33 wks
Top: Baleno, Skirt: Pasar Malam

34 wks
Top: Giordano, Long skirt: Fox

39 wks
Top: Ebase, Skirt: Mango

See, Mango is every preggie's best friend!

peace

The baby's sleeping. The brother is at PG. The house is cleaned.

Peace. Bliss.

I had my hair-tearing moments the day Clem returned to work. And the baby decided to bully her mommy. Wide-eyed and cried unconsolably for the whole day.

Oh dear, colic. I thought and expected this to last a few days.

Thankfully, it didn't.

While the baby slept, I was able to clean up the house, washed the clothes, eat lunch, snack, surf the net and update my blog!

Ahhh... the simple pleasures of housewifery.

the 2-hour window

Breastfeeding has made planners of most (if not all) moms. Especially those who can't stick around at home, like me. I slipped out many times during my confinement. My feet were itching to get out.

Verity demands to be fed every 2 hours and I have yet to introduce the bottle. So I had to plan my excursions, or rather escapades, on 2-hour windows:

Step 1: While travelling, feed. Identify a nursing location at the shopping destination.
Step 2: 2-hour Window. Shop.
Step 3: Feed.
Step 4: 2-hour Window. Shop/ have meal. Identify a nursing location at the next shopping destination.
Step 5: Feed

Repeat the steps till we decide we should head home. Then the next feed would be in the car.

I must thank the support group for advocating breastfeeding in public places. People are more aware and less judgmental of mothers who nurse in public places. (And of course, we should be more discreet and not expose flesh.) I'm not sure whether it's due to increased acceptance, or I've become thick-skinned, but I'm less conscious than during Cavan's time.

So I've breastfed in libraries, food courts and while enjoying my meal. Nothing can stop a mom who can't stay home!

Mr Friendly Award

I was surprised to see a laminated piece of paper in Cavan's schoolbag. He was awarded Mr Friendly in school.

Whoa! Nowadays, they even give out awards in playgroup, I exclaimed to Clem. Nevertheless, we were so proud of him. In the report, it stated that Cavan was awarded for "showing kindness and love towards friends".

We know that Cavan is a good-natured boy. There were times he came back and 'complained' that his friend, Nathaniel hit him and snatched his toy. (Clem also witnessed a few incidents.) But Cavan seldom retaliated. In fact, he regards Nathaniel as his friend. Whenever Cavan reaches playgroup, he never also fails to say hi to his friends and the teachers.

My little Mr Friendly! : )

Counting the kilos

I was determined not to make the mistake of putting on too much weight, as I did with Cavan (whooping 18 kg in all).

The determination was there but the flesh was weak. I was hungry all the time. And I fell prey to enticing cakes, pastries, chocolates and ice cream. Usually, I'm a strict non-coconut milk consumer. This pregnancy, I loved my chendols, bubur char chars, laksas and red rubies.

I blamed it all on my little gal.

And blessed enough, I put on 10-11 kg for the whole of my pregnancy. Well, for the 1st trimester, I lost a bit of weight. Towards the end, my weight gain was negligible, not even enough to cover the baby's gain.

What was the magic? Less weight gain despite eating more "sinful" food? I did control my carbs intake during dinner, eating mainly the dishes and soup. But after that, I could polish off 1kg's worth of rambutan/ longan and had ice cream for supper.

Maybe it was due to my activeness. I was still conducting full-day workshops, running full day events, running about to prepare materials etc. Back home, I was still running around with Cavan, carrying him and busied myself. Maybe these helped to burn off calories.

Whatever the magic was, I'm not complaining. Just too glad the weight gain wasn't too substantial. Now, post delivery, just to burn the rest off...

What a burden.

Guess who is who?

Somehow, every newborn looks like his or her older sibling. (Not me though. My father said my brother and I looked poles apart as newborns.)

Which is Cavan and which is Verity?

Yes, the ones on the left with spiky hair is Cavan! No prizes for getting all answers right. The dates are stamped, what.

Many friends commented that Verity is a carbon copy of Cavan.

That left me wondering... does that mean Verity would look like this when she turns 8mos?

Attempting to "girlify" Cavan (8 mos) with a hairclip, much to his father's chagrin

Birthing empowered

I had the birth we were praying for. Natural, fast, no intervention. We even had a REFUND from the hospital! Clem's jaw dropped and eyes popped out of his sockets when he heard that.

For Cavan's birth, though I didn't have any epidural, I was induced as he was 2 days late. I had pessaries inserted, waterbag broken, penthidine jab, episiotomy, vacuum suction.

For Verity, I had none of the above. Just gas. That's why so cheap lah, I told Clem and had to push his jaw back.

Here goes the story on 29 Aug 2007...

11.35am - Gynae Appt

Checked that I was already 3cm dilated but babe's still facing up. Dr said I was likely to go into labour that night, if not the next morning. In any case, he asked us to check into the hosp the next morning if nothing happened at night and he would break my water bag. There's still time for one more movie, Dr exclaimed. Go, watch a show.

Frankly speaking, after hearing about the impending labour, I was not in the mood for ANYTHING. I didn't even feel like having lunch.

On the way back, I prayed and claimed the labour to happen naturally. Divine intervention, not human intervention, Lord!

That day was the day for deliveries. We had our stove delivered, Cavan's bed delivered and soon Verity to be delivered.

2pm - Cramps

When the guys were installing the bed, I decided to nap. However, I began to feel cramps and tried to sleep them away. I have a rather high threshold for pain. Well, for the clueless, this does not mean I DON'T feel pain, as many tend to misunderstand. It just means that I can manage pain.

Clem told me in my semi-sleep state that he was going back to the office for a while. Ok, go.

3pm

The contractions were getting too intense so I got up. Hmm, maybe I can distract myself by cleaning Cavan's new bed. At the same time, I can time my contractions. No time wasted.

Hmm... 35-38 sec per contractions at 3.10 min interval.

Cavan's new bed cleaned during contractions

After I finished cleaning, I decided to sms Clem to see what time he was returning and told him I was having bad cramps. Meanwhile, I went to take a shower and Clem was back. The cramps were getting worse and I had to bend over while showering and continue when they ended.

By this time, the duration of contractions was 45 sec.

Clem called the Dr and reported the stats. We were summoned to his clinic so we quickly packed our bags and were ready to go. Oh, wait, I paused. I haven't taken a bikini pic! (I took one on 38th wk while having Cavan.) It sounded like a ridiculous request at this point but we took anyway.

No stretchmarks again!

6pm - Back to Gynae

Duration of contractions: 60 sec.
I was the next to see Dr the moment I reached his clinic. "Hi Soann, you look very comfortable for a person who is having contractions!" He performed a check and remarked that most women would be screaming at this point. Maybe you're screaming inside, he joked. Yep, he was right.

Ok, I'll see you at the hosp at 8. The baby should come out by midnight. Go and have a nice dinner.

As we were about to leave, suddenly Dr asked the assistant to put me on CTG just to be safe. So I was strapped with the transducer. I asked if I could be strapped standing up. Really felt terrible to lie down. Of course the answer was no. But I could lie on my side.

Tracking the fetal heartbeat

After 10 min, another assistant came to check on the chart and exclaimed that due to my position, the machine couldn't read properly so we had to redo. Argghhh... do I have to stay here longer, I screamed silently. Ok, I said calmly and noting my discomfort, I was given a cushion to prop me up.

Finally we could go. In the car, we were discussing where to go for dinner. How about the famous chicken rice shop? Oh, or the Hong Kong cafe? I was squirming in my seat and began to take long deep breaths to cope with the contractions when suddenly Clem said he wanted to pump petrol and swerved into a petrol station. My dear hub was unaware of the predicament I was in. I think I looked too cool. He returned with a bag of snacks: potato chips, chicken in a biscuit, chocolates. I thought, huh, you think you're going to watch a movie?

I didn't think we could go for dinner anymore as I was getting increasingly uncomfortable. I was afraid I would become uncontrolled. At most, pack. At the rate I was going, I'd frighten the diners. Let's just check into the hosp.

I had to wait for one contraction to end before making my way from carpark to lobby. But as soon as I got out of the car came another. I had to lean and press my palms on the car, like a thief who was caught. Must be quite a sight for the passing vehicles on the main road. But who cares? The contraction was consuming my mind totally.

After it ended, we walked as quickly as we could. Then came another wave but I gritted my teeth and walked up the stairs. After admission, the kind hearted nurse wanted to put me on the wheelchair but I felt better walking so I walked my way to the labour ward.

7.40pm - Labour Ward

Got dressed in the labour ward while Clem did some registration and nurses called Dr for update. The nurse wanted me to lie down so I could be strapped with tranducers (again!) to track fetal heartbeat. I refused to lie down and leaned on the counter for support. I asked not to be strapped but they had to report to Dr on the reading. I think it took me quite some time before I walked to my bed and just stood there, still refusing to lie down. The patient nurse waited and later asked me if I wanted gas. At that point, yes, anything that helped. So I sucked in the gas greedily and hey presto! Suddenly I was transported to lala-land. My head felt woozy and I had to lie down as I was losing my balance. Clever nurse.

Perhaps my labour was progressing too quickly. I didn't get the routine enema nor the shave. (Shucks. And I was looking forward to a free, painless Brazillian.) A short while later, I heard Clem's voice and I felt relieved that support had come. Then the nurse told him he could wait at the family lounge! Wait! Did anyone ask me for permission? I called out to Clem but my voice was too feeble... I felt my helpline fading...

The intervals were getting shorter and the nurses wanted to transfer me to the wheelchair and wheel me to the delivery ward. But I was not in the state to move. I was so crippled by the contractions. So the nurses waited patiently and I stubbornly refused to budge. Then I asked feebly, "Can I bring along the gas mask?" "Yes, we've prepared the gas for you in the delivery room." "No, I want to bring this along with me!!" I cried desperately. "You can't! The mask is fixed to the wall!!"

Argghhh!

The nurses discussed among themselves privately and decided to push my whole bed to the delivery room. They told me that they were going to take away the mask and the delivery room was just next door. Noooo...!

The scene next was a drama. My "clutch" was removed from me and the nurses heaved and pushed the bed as fast as they could, knocking into every possible obstacle in the way. I was sitting up, refusing to lie down, trying to grab the nurse, pounding on the bed, wailing "Gas! Now!" as they pushed me across the corridor. Anyone who saw me then might never want to have kids.

8.20- In the Delivery Room

The nurse said that I was already 8cm dilated (10cm means baby can pop out). I asked how do you know. You didn't even check! The nurse replied, I don't know. That's what Dr said.

I got into the flow of the rhythm, getting as much gas as I could when I felt the wave of the contraction building up and removed the mask when it went down. For my first birth, I relied on the monitor. Once I heard the "galloping" sound (which means contractions building up), I would quickly grab my gas mask. Even when it went down, I still refused to let go. That left my head spinning. This time round, more seasoned. Even though I struggled with the pain, I listened to my body and was able to control my intake of gas.

Finally, Clem came and it was at the right time. By then, I was struggling so much the nurses were shouting, "Mommy, don't jump off the bed!" and they were so afraid I would fall off. Dunno why but I felt better lying as close to the edge of the bed as possible and grabbing the bed bar as far back as possible. Clem poured baby oil and massaged my lower back and hips furiously to ease the pain while commanding the whole parade, "In and blow! In and blow!" with the nurses as the chorus. Everytime a contraction ended, the nurse would encourage, "Going down. Veeeery good. Keep going." I realised that rhythm was very important during labour. Just kept you in the routine and going.

I kept my eyes closed throughout. I found that once I opened my eyes, the sense of reality would hit in my awake-ness and somehow I found it hard to manage. With my eyes closed, I was still in my lala-land and it felt better in a semi-awake state.

A deceitfully peaceful look between contractions

The contractions got stronger and more intense and I had the urge to push. The nurses yelled, "Don't push yet! Dr's not here yet! You'll tear yourself!" I didn't care, it felt better pushing than resisting the urge. It was cathartic to follow what was natural to your body's instinct. Think I was getting rather violent due to the strong contractions. They had to pin my legs down and later Clem told me that I actually kicked one of the nurses.

Suddenly, I heard a pop and a slight splashing sound. Sounded like a water bomb hitting the ground. Everyone exclaimed, "Oh!" I burst my own water bag while pushing.

Next, I was asked to lie on my back. I refused. After more coaxing, I relented. I vaguely heard the nurse told Clem, "Dr said don't check (the dilation). But do you want to check. If you give permission. I'll do it." Clem permitted and the nurse reported that I was 9cm.

After another contraction and push, I felt the nurse meddling with my intimates and at the next contraction and push, I felt a warm sensation below and Clem exclaimed, "I can see the baby's head... The baby's out!"

I thought he was kidding. Or trying to make me feel better. Then I heard baby cries. Where did it come from... it's MY baby!

I couldn't believe it! It was faster than I had expected. I didn't have to push as hard as I did with Cavan. On hindsight, perhaps because I didn't have to put my legs on the pedestal cos it somehow impeded the ability to push. If Dr were around, he would have insisted cos he would have done an episiotomy. This time without an episiotomy, I tore on my scar on my 1st birth. However, it did not hurt as much. Then Dr arrived and expressed his disappointment in missing the birth.

Cradling my little girl

I was pretty pleased with the whole event. I thought it would take longer since Dr said baby should be out by midnight. No no no, she came out in less than 2 hours after I checked in. I guess my cool demeanour deceived Dr into thinking he still had time hence he missed the birth. Ha!

A New Addition to the Yee Family... Verity Yee

Verity decided to come on the dot and arrived on 29 August 2007. She was in such a hurry to come out that she popped out before my gynae came, less than 2 hours after I was admitted to the hospital. More stories on the birth later.


In the meantime... a picture with Daddy & Mummy.

Verity Yee, born 29/8/07, 2121 hrs
2.7 kg, 47 cm

Cavan's 1st Friends

Cavan enjoys playing with Jedi these days and asks everyday if we are going to Jedi's house. One night, as we were returning from Dan & Evan's, I asked him, "Do you like Jedi?"

He replied, "Yes! I like Jedi!"

And on his own accord, he added, "Also like Faith, also like Bernice."

These are the 1st 4 babies of Ichthus. Since then, we've multiplied to coming 10. (Josh, Krisalyn, Seraphine, Erika, Claris and Baby Yee #2). Very productive, aren't we? I pray these kids will grow up to be men and women of God, shining brightly, serving and loving God.

The 4 kiddos: Growing up
Cavan at 4 mos, Faith at 7 mos

4 babies' dedication on Christmas Day 2005 (along with a twin). Bernice partially hidden in pic.

Chinese New Year 2006

The tumbletots

Cavan 16 mos, Bernice 11 mos

At Bernice's 2nd Birthday party How we've grown!

Not Ready

Babe was already down but position was not correct. She was facing up. Dr said if she were still facing up during delivery, I’d scream like mad. At the same time, I was not dilated yet. These sounded worrying to me. When I had Cavan, I was already dilated 3 weeks before EDD. Why did it seem more difficult this time? Didn’t they say 2nd one would be faster, earlier?

Dr then exclaimed happily, hey it was unusual to have baby facing up near full term, so can do 3D scan. Will be a beautiful pic.

Thanks so much for the optimism.

Baby dreams

Babe is still in there... thank God.

I was negotiating with her not to come out too quickly as I was involved in organising a week-long event for my organisation last week. After so much preparation, I just HAD to be there for the action. Everyday, my colleagues were prepared that I would not turn up, or go into labour. When Friday came, they marvelled at how "obedient" my babe was, still in there! Of course, how could she come out without "parental consent"?

After Friday, I've been having dreams. A dream of holding her in my arms. A dream of my bulging tummy going flat (or rather, flab). Another dream more shocking, babe is not a gal, it's a boy!

My colleague said, to my amusement, babe must be sending dreams to me asking for permission to come out. Err... ok, but things aren't ready yet. Moreover, she isn't due till next Wed so I'll feel so cheated if it's anytime earlier.

Hang in there!

Innovation Baby

Cavan was termed “SQA Baby” cos he was in my tummy when I busied with SQA in 2004. This baby was termed “Innovation Baby” cos I busied with Innovation.

Today, I got a scare. Was running errands for the preparation at Bras Basah when I slipped off a flight of slippery stairs. Thank God I wore pants that day (I seldom do!) otherwise my fall would have been worse. I only suffered bruises and a bleeding toe.

Babe was still blissfully sleeping. Cushioned by mommy.

Mummy seat

This would be the last time I was able to bring Cavan to church by myself. In order to let him sleep longer, I asked Dar to go to Children’s Church first and I would bring Cavan to church myself.

With my bulging tummy, I was still able to carry him across the road, up and down the bus. Singaporeans! I don’t know what to say about them. They wouldn’t even let us up the bus first, after even seeing our condition!

One thing that made me uncomfortable was that Cavan insisted sitting ON my lap. At the initial stage, it was okay. As my tummy ballooned, it became increasingly uncomfortable for me. It felt painful to have him leaning on my tummy. And he was sliding off but he didn’t seem to mind.

Towards the last few trips, I always had cookie or candy. To persuade him to sit on his own. If all else fails, a stern “Mummy said sit by yourself!” worked.

Ah well.

Anticipation... D-Day #2

For the past 2 nights, been dreaming that I was on the way to "bombing".

A friend asked me, "Are you scared? Should be ok right since it's your 2nd one." I thought for a moment and replied, "For the 1st one, I was scared cos I didn't know what to expect. For this one, I'm scared cos I KNOW what to expect."

Anyway, for the 1st one, I don't know how but I managed to pull through successfully. Epidural-free.

Maybe I was ignorant, I just went with the flow of the whole birth process and didn't ask for any pain relief. Now that I have gone through the experience, suddenly the options become very tempting and suddenly I also become more cowardly.

I am so not looking forward to D-Day and wish that the girl will stay in my tummy as long as she wants.

Also bcos we've not prepared anything yet!

Now there are no infant clothes at home. No nappies. Where is my breast pump? No bottles. Haven't set up the play pen. Haven't washed the baby's bedsheet. Haven't washed the steriliser. Haven't registered and get the cordlife kit. Haven't got a name yet.

But we're still not fretting. That caused me to fret. Not fretting.

So, anticipation? Not really.

The search is over. We enrolled Cavan the day we went for the open house. And the open house was meant for kindergarten, not playgroup. And started Cavan 2 days after his 1st encounter with the environment. He was happy to be left alone playing and scribbling while we were making enquiries and doing registration in the other room. Wanted to start him a week later but Clem said since Cavan was comfortable with the place, start him asap while the good memory was still there. Seize the day!

I left the task of sending Cavan to PG to Clem and my father. They would be less anxious than the kancheong spider mother. According to Clem, as soon as Cavan reached the classroom, he helped himself to the toys and asked them to leave, "You go, you go."

My boy has grown up.

A take-yourself passport photo for PG

Well, he's always been able to adapt rather easily to changing environment. This is evident from our trips, when we weaned him off his pacifier at 21 mos (only cried for 2 nights), and when we banished him from our bed to sleep on his own. It helped that he's a fuss-free boy.

Phew, another item settled before #2 comes...Can tick my checklist:
* Cavan to sleep on his own- check
* Send him to PG- check

transition

Ok, it's time. Cavan had to sleep on his own. But the cowardice mother had withdrawal syndrome. If we moved him to the other room, it's too cruel! Why not let him sleep on the floor next to our bed?


Frankly speaking, I enjoyed co-sleeping with Cavan despite the tight-squeeze in a Q-sized bed. Despite having my face slapped by his hand. Despite having my body prodded by his leg. I loved it when we had small talk before sleeping. I loved smelling his head and kissing his cheek while he slept. I enjoyed the mornings when we lie about in bed, looking sleepily at each other, whispering dreamy words.





As with all things, we have to move on. Moreover, I kept having to be watchful throughout the nights to prevent Cavan from kicking my bulgy tummy. Managed to grab his leg a few times at night.


Creating the path of least resistance, we let him choose his fav bedsheet- Cars. He was marvelling about it and retorted he wanted to sleep in it.


Came the crux:
Night #1: Lay happily on his mattress. After bedtime story and good night song, he promptly grabbed his pillow and bolster and scrambled up our bed. He thought that was a pre-bedtime area? No, this is YOUR bed. We said. After much fussing, Clem had no choice but to sleep with him.



Night #2: Clem slept with him on the mattress. Once Cavan fell asleep, he moved up to the bed. I slept late so by the time I reached the bedroom, I saw the 2 of them on the bed! I woke Clem up and exclaimed how could he have given in and let Cavan up! He replied that he didn't. Cavan must have climbed up himself.


Night #3: I slept late again and I heard a commotion in the room. On entering the room, I saw Cavan half lying on the bed, half standing on his mattress. Asleep. Again we moved him down.


This transition must have taken a few nights. After which, Cavan settled in his new mattress. I am still trying to settle down with an emptier bed.


Sigh.

Preparing for #2

#2 is due to come next month. People asked if I'm ready. Me ready? I'm more pre-occupied with whether Cavan is ready. Aiya no prob lah, kind friends offered. Cavan seems to like babies a lot!

True.

Cavan loves to go to babies and stroke their little faces. He would ask mommies about their babies. Whenever he sees someone pushing a stroller, he would run up to them to see their babies. Even when he flips a book and sees a pic of a baby, he would kiss the pic.

Yes. He likes babies a lot. But he can say goodbye to these. For #2, she's here to stay. Different story.

Maybe I worry too much. But the last thing I want, is to rob my dear son of his sense of security. I'm so afraid that he will transform from an affable little boy to one that is withdrawn and whiny, as I so often heard from parents who had #2.

Pray that we as parents will be sensitive to his needs and behaviour. Hope our parents and friends will be too.

Temper

I've always had a short fuse, got impatient easily and let small things bother me a lot. However, at our last cell meeting, we discussed about patience and were asked to rate our patience from a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being most impatient, 10 being most patient). I rated myself 6 as a reflection of the present.

I would have given myself a 2 or 3 in the past.

Well, I still am impatient at times but I've learnt to let go and take life more easily. What changed me? Motherhood, I must say.

I started becoming careful how I conducted myself in front of Cavan. His watchful eyes and perceptive spirit always put me in check. He always senses it when I'm unhappy and is quick to stop my temper from brewing. Here are a few ways:

* When I'm angry (usually with Clement) and I rattle on and on, he would cover my mouth and says, "Mummy, stop."
* When I sulk, he would coax me and says, "Mummy, don't be angry. Smile!"
* When he senses I'm about to confront Clement for something I'm unhappy about, he would hold my hand and says, "Mummy, let's go."

Cavan understands more biblical principles and applies them more than I do. That we should stop certain actions or thoughts that will lead us to sin. That we should leave the scene that will cause us to sin (just as Joseph did, when he fled).

I'm truly thankful to God for this son as a gift. God sent Clement as a gift to love me and accept me unconditionally. And He sent Cavan as another gift to cause me to be more self-aware, to change me. God is indeed gracious.

Favouritism

Yesterday morning, while Dar was driving me to work, there was a brief discussion on Class 95 on this topic. I think FD was mentioning that while parents may have favourites, that doesn't mean they love that child more than the others and they will try not to show it. Glenn was commenting that the child must have been able to sense it. True, I thought. However, now that I've grown up, on hindsight, I thought even the child has sensed something, the perception could have been wrong.

I was sharing with Dar how when I was young, I always thought my mom favoured my older brother more and always used this to "attack" her in our quarrels during my angsty teenage years. Of course, she was awfully hurt by this accusal and retorted that she gave up more for me than for my bro.

I'm sure that my bro would think that my father favours me more. But from a 3rd person's perspective, I may disagree. Now that I've grown, I realised that it's not that parents favour one child over the other, but that the expressions of love towards different children are different, given their different personality and needs.

My mom loves me in ways different from the way she loves my bro. Likewise for my father. However, as children, when we saw the difference, we often interpreted it biased-ness and if we were not careful, we would grow up with feelings of unfairness and resentment. That was how I felt at times as a teenager but my family's loving and giving environment resolved these feelings.

I was glad the topic came up, for I began to be more aware of our parents' love for us, manifested in different ways. For whichever way they choose to display their love and affirmation, I thank God for my family.

It’s a Girl!

People have been commenting how my tummy protrudes out, so it must be a boy. As usual, the theories. Today’s detailed scan confirmed it’s a girl!

Cavan was there to see his mei-mei. But to him, it may seemed like a monotone animation without dialogue. The only sound the animation had was a chi-gog chi-gog galloping sound of his sister’s heartbeat.

School for Toddlers

We're facing the beginning of one of those "recces" for our kid. Our intention was to put Cavan in a school, playgroup, half-day childcare, whatever. This is to ease the load off my parents. But we're not as conscientious as most parents in sniffing out the best places, programme, curriculum etc. Our search was more like "Oh we passed by this place so could consider" kind of effort. Or by hearsay.

There are several criteria to consider:
* Convenience for my parents as they would be the ones fetching him
* 3-hour to half-day prog ( My mom's heart was breaking when I told her we wanted to put Cavan in childcare. She asked, "Can we not put him through the whole day? Very tiring, you know." Ok lah, half day then.)
* Starts at 8 - 8.30am so we can drop him off before we go for work
* Ideal if the environment is not confined to 4 walls, with external locale for outdoor activities.

Got to know about Faith Montessori by word of mouth and managed to contact the school. We'll be making a trip soon to find out more. Hope we won't procrastinate!

Go, Fly a Kite

It was one of those Saturday morning that we felt like going to West Coast Park for breakfast and activities. That day, we felt like flying a kite instead of playing sand. The weather was sunny and windy. Before long our kite took flight in the vast sky.

Run, Daddy, run!

Guess there's no point for me to run. Think I'll just wait...

Handover

Our $2- kite soaring proudly in the sky. Sadly the string was not long enough and loosen itself out of the reel. Freedom, the kite found.

A Sibling for Cavan

Initially I thought end 2006 would be a good time for Junior #2. But there were other schedules overridding the plan. I was offered by my company to take up a 9-month course, starting in July '06 till May '07. After that, need to serve 1-year bond. Take it, my colleagues goaded. After that, take maternity leave and shave 3 months off the bond! Good idea.

But still need to have some responsibility right. So we counted to make sure I needn't to leave halfway through my course. Okies... a good time to start planning would be Oct '06. Wait, wait, wait... I already signed up for the marathon so must wait till Dec!

So there, now I'm 19 wks.

Bump not showing much. Managed to keep the news from my parents till 2 weeks ago when Cavan started to chant "Got baby, got baby" while perching out his little tummy. My aunt got suspicious for a whole week (or 2) and finally pulled me aside and interrogated me. Finally, the truth was out. If I hadn't confessed it, they couldn't even tell...

Boy? Girl?

We wanted a surprise for our first baby. For the 2nd, we figured it was more interesting to find out the gender. Friends joked that we were more likely to have boys than gals cos we were meat lovers. And Dar always thought well of his vigour (ahem!).

However, we suspected that this time round should be a gal. Cos we suspected that she was conceived right after our 42.195 km marathon. Either that or that day when Dar was nursing a flu. Go figure.

1st Trimester

I expected lethargy and loss of appetite, as with my 1st pregnancy. On the contrary, I was still active, and had hunger pangs most of the time. I was famished every breakfast and was happy to have a cuppa in the afternoon, with chocolates, muffins, cakes and what-nots in the office.

I could still work out at the gym and did so till I was 5 mos. I worked out on treadmill, gliding machine and rowing machine. As I grew bigger, I stopped as people were looking worried and I didn't want unnecessary attention.

At 5wks

At 10 wks

Secret

Didn’t mean to keep it from my family. My mom’s health was declining with her arm and legs swollen with water retention due to the removal of her lymph nodes. Perhaps it was not the right time to disclose to them yet. Dar said perhaps this good news could lift up everyone’s spirits. Perhaps. But I was not ready.

New Car

Dar commented that with the expansion of our family. We could do with a bigger car. We sourced around and shortlisted Kia Caren, Toyota Wish. We spent Sunday afternoons at car showrooms and car dealers. Blah! I’d rather be somewhere shopping than hanging around machines which looked the same to me.

Then Dar spotted his dream at the car dealer. A RED Toyota Wish, sports version, sun roof. I was quite hesitant. Firstly, wasn’t it a better value getting a new car? Second, I had my doubts about a second-hand car. There must be something wrong. Car dealer said the car plate number helped previous owner to strike 4D many times and the owner has replaced it with a sports car. Yeah right.

Anyway, Dar really loved the car. So okay lah, knowing he wouldn’t buy without my blessings. Hmm… now to think about fitting in 2 car seats…

Violating the no-nos of 1st trimester

My gynae is quite a careful person. As per the 1st pregnancy, he would instruct the following no's:

No alcohol
No smoking
No sex
No raw food

Apart from the 1st 2, I violated all the rest. I also still continued with my coffee. I still love my sashimi and fresh oysters (ok, I ate them the day after I discovered #2. Clem was prohibitive. I argued that if I hadn't have the check. I would still eat anyway, right? He retorted that now I knew, I had the moral obligation to stay off. Ok, you win. Today's the last time. But can continue after 1st trimester.)

I was more worried about something else. Preggies are not supposed to go for hot spring or sauna. Unaware of my pregnancy, I went for hot baths during my hols in Taiwan, supposedly 3-4 weeks preg. I prayed hard that my baby was not harmed.

All said, I was adopting a more laissez-faire attitude even though I was already quite chin-chai during my 1st.

#2 Discovered

Missed my period so thought I'd better check with doc. Usually sychronised with a colleague's (EJ). If mine hadn't come and hers came, mine would be triggered by hers (amazing but true!). This time, nothing happened.

So I went to see the company doc at Capital Towers. I was having mixed feelings. Somewhat the same when I was seeing the doc when I suspected my 1st pregnancy. What if I wasn't? Then I would have felt let down, given my anticipation.

The doc this time was a different one. A lady. Oh my, she was super positive. Asked me if I had xxx and yyy symptoms. When I said yes, she exclaimed these were very good signs. This is not good, I thought. What if she raised false expectations. I asked these could be pre-menstrual signs too right? Yes, that's right. So I needed to do an urine test.

Came out positive. Well, we plan to have #2 in end 2007 so this was earlier than expected...

Smsed dar who called and expressed his excitement. Went back to office and handed my colleague my doc visit slip and she asked, "Are you pregger?" I just grinned and simply asked her to sign my slip.

That night, as Dar was on duty, I went to catch a show with Brenda and EJ. Oops! I left my wallet in the office! Brenda commented that I always become stupider during my pregnancy. Ya hor...

EJ commented that I seemed to take this announcement pretty well this time. For the 1st one, I was in shock the whole day and in denial for weeks.

5th Wedding Anniversary

This year, I hit the big "3". Looking back, I had spent almost half my life with Dar. We started dating since we were 17. Now, 13 years into our relationship, we are still very much in love. I thank God for this blessing. Many friends and colleagues have also commented that he's such a sweet hubby!

Our celebrations was simple this year. But to commemorate the 5th-year milestone, we wanted a more permanent gift. Dar suggested having a tattoo- permanent what, he said. My concern was, will I be able to explain to our kids when they grow, and to the kids in church, and to our pre-believing friends. Of course, it's up to our conviction but if there's a chance of it being a stumbling block, I'd rather not risk it.

So we got each other a ring. I got a better deal. His is silver, mine white gold with diamonds. Haha.

Our little son, the "ringbearer"

Finisher's T-shirt

I thought the marathon was something individualistic... Run your own race. But no... everyone I met was helping or encouraging another run his/ her own race too. It was so apt that the theme for this year's Stanchart Marathon was "Spirit on the Course". I was touched by many gestures I saw (and conversations heard) along the way...

* When we were still running on the Marina route, the first runners had turned around. All of us clapped and cheered rejoicing on their excellent performance.
* Someone saw another runner struggling at 6th km and encouraged him to keep steady to maintain his form.
* Church groups setting up spots at East Coast Park to provide refreshment relief to runners.
* Passer-bys clapping and cheering us, total strangers, on.
* A runner guiding another hearing-impaired (?) runner
* When we were making the return trip along Fort Rd (34km), a man was hobbling (probably from an injury) across the road, still at his 20th km. Someone ran over and passed him a heat rub, as the paramedics would have run out of stock by the time he reached East Coast Park.
* A 53-year-old man was asking how long more to run and was accompanied by a group of men in their 30s- 40s to make their journey back together.

When we were queueing up to collect our bags, we would just make small talk with others and share our stories.

There were no strangers. Everyone was encouraging one another and rejoicing together at the finish point.

I recalled comments about Singaporeans being self-centred and ungracious. I did not see this in the course. There is, really, somewhere in us that still wants to give...