Standing up for himself

It is not unknown to family and friends that Cavan does not really have a temper. He is rarely aggressive. Even when someone pushes him or snatches his toys, he does not retaliate nor fight back. He only whines. And complains. He complains to the teacher or the parent of the aggressor.

This definitely worries me, cos I'm afraid he'd end up being bullied in school next time.

As parents, it would be wrong for us to tell him to fight back, even though that option was so tempting. All we can advise is, for him to say "No!", "Stop it!" or "Don't..." to signal that the behaviour displayed by the aggressor is undesirable. But knowing kids, who would take such retort seriously?

This CNY came the turn of events. We were at my uncle's house and all the kiddos were playing and roughing it out in the bedroom. My 2.5 year old grandniece, a brassy gal, was harassing Cavan. She pushed him, stepped on him, poked him. Cavan seemed helpless as he repeatedly told her no, and tried to steer clear of her.

Finally, he felt that he had had enough.

When he saw the gal coming at him again, he clenched his fist, went to her, held her by the shoulders and pushed her a few steps.

My heart stopped a few beats. I was taken aback by what I saw. I wanted to intervene, but seeing that Cavan wasn't going to hurt her, I stopped myself.

Cavan held her so she won't fall over. Shocked, she wailed and left the room.

Cavan was visibly shaken too, as he stood there for a second, realising what he had done.

Suddenly, he threw his hands up in the air and shouted triumphantly, "Yeah! YEAH!" His cousins rejoiced with him in his victory.

He gave me a glance to see if I disapproved. I was careful in my response. I didn't want to appear angry cos he managed to assert himself. I didn't want to rejoice with the rest cos I didn't want to give the wrong signal.

Seeing my non-reaction, he seemed relieved and continued to play with his cousins.

Inside me, I was secretly pleased. At least I know that Cavan would stand up for himself.

If he had to.

Temper

I've always had a short fuse, got impatient easily and let small things bother me a lot. However, at our last cell meeting, we discussed about patience and were asked to rate our patience from a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being most impatient, 10 being most patient). I rated myself 6 as a reflection of the present.

I would have given myself a 2 or 3 in the past.

Well, I still am impatient at times but I've learnt to let go and take life more easily. What changed me? Motherhood, I must say.

I started becoming careful how I conducted myself in front of Cavan. His watchful eyes and perceptive spirit always put me in check. He always senses it when I'm unhappy and is quick to stop my temper from brewing. Here are a few ways:

* When I'm angry (usually with Clement) and I rattle on and on, he would cover my mouth and says, "Mummy, stop."
* When I sulk, he would coax me and says, "Mummy, don't be angry. Smile!"
* When he senses I'm about to confront Clement for something I'm unhappy about, he would hold my hand and says, "Mummy, let's go."

Cavan understands more biblical principles and applies them more than I do. That we should stop certain actions or thoughts that will lead us to sin. That we should leave the scene that will cause us to sin (just as Joseph did, when he fled).

I'm truly thankful to God for this son as a gift. God sent Clement as a gift to love me and accept me unconditionally. And He sent Cavan as another gift to cause me to be more self-aware, to change me. God is indeed gracious.