Empty Nest Syndrome

My kids haven't even left home and I'm already feeling this. They left my room.

Actually, Clem and I had been trying for years to drive them out of our room. Blame it on me. I wanted the kids to co-sleep with us, as I wanted to spend every waking and sleeping moment with them since Clem and I work.

When I was expecting Verity in my last trimester, I drove Cavan out of our bed. Even when he slept on the floor, I already missed him.

Eventually he was supposed to sleep in his own bed in the other room when we brought baby Verity home. He did for 2-3 nights and came back to our room. Clem lamented but I was secretly pleased. The whole family was in one room again!

When I was expecting Vesper, I was serious about the kids moving out. Starting with Cavan.

We told him he has to sleep in his own room when he turns five. He didn't.

We told him he has to do it when Verity turns 3. Again he didn't.

He bargained with us and asked why not do it when he turns 10? I mentioned some of his friends and told him none of them sleep in the parents' room.

For Verity, once Cavan vacates from our room, she will take over his place. But Cavan didn't budge so she remained. We set up the baby playpen for her to sleep. It lasted for weeks then revert to original arrangement.

Cavan drew this in his school journal. Now the teachers know how we sleep

So what was the crux that made them eventually change their mind?

I had to deliver Vesper and Clem would be staying with me in the hospital.

I already prepared Cavan mentally a few days before I actually popped that he and Verity had to sleep in their room when daddy and I go to the hospital to bring Vesper.

So the night of Vesper's birth was the night they shifted. For good.

I was surprised they didn't kick a fuss but obediently carried their sleep stuff, made the beds ans settled down pretty quickly. The next day, Cavan told me that his bed was very comfortable!

Verity's transition was greater. We night toilet-trained her at the same time. A couple of days after they shifted, Clem decided to remove her night diapers and reminded her to wake up to go to the toilet if she needed to.

The 1st 2 weeks she woke Clem up to bring her to the toilet. After that she trotted to the toilet herself, switched on the button light. did her business, and trotted back sleepily.

And all this while she did not wet her bed even once. We praised her for her achievement. She was so proud the 1st thing she told her teacher upon returning to school was not about the new baby but that she didn't need to wear diapers anymore.

I would surely miss the bedtime activities at our bed, reading books, telling one another about our day, taking turns to pray and other blabber.

But it's time to grow up. For me.

a child's prayer

It's always sweet to hear a child's prayer, for it comes from a believing heart unhibited by the world's constraints and reason.

Here's one un-guided prayer (verbatim) from Cavan as he prayed before bed last night. Something I'd like to remember and something for him to look back on in the years to come.

"Dear God, I pray for my throat, that it will become better.

Today is not my birthday yet. Pray that myself, daddy, mummy, verity, auntie, ah gong, ah ma, yeye, ah ngin, my teachers and my friends will all be there. On my birthday. Pray that we will be happy.

We also pray for my sister. Pray that she will grow up quickly. I am a strong boy because I can carry Verity. Also pray that she will learn to talk quickly, and don't talk like a baby.

In Jesus' Name, Amen!"

peace

The baby's sleeping. The brother is at PG. The house is cleaned.

Peace. Bliss.

I had my hair-tearing moments the day Clem returned to work. And the baby decided to bully her mommy. Wide-eyed and cried unconsolably for the whole day.

Oh dear, colic. I thought and expected this to last a few days.

Thankfully, it didn't.

While the baby slept, I was able to clean up the house, washed the clothes, eat lunch, snack, surf the net and update my blog!

Ahhh... the simple pleasures of housewifery.

transition

Ok, it's time. Cavan had to sleep on his own. But the cowardice mother had withdrawal syndrome. If we moved him to the other room, it's too cruel! Why not let him sleep on the floor next to our bed?


Frankly speaking, I enjoyed co-sleeping with Cavan despite the tight-squeeze in a Q-sized bed. Despite having my face slapped by his hand. Despite having my body prodded by his leg. I loved it when we had small talk before sleeping. I loved smelling his head and kissing his cheek while he slept. I enjoyed the mornings when we lie about in bed, looking sleepily at each other, whispering dreamy words.





As with all things, we have to move on. Moreover, I kept having to be watchful throughout the nights to prevent Cavan from kicking my bulgy tummy. Managed to grab his leg a few times at night.


Creating the path of least resistance, we let him choose his fav bedsheet- Cars. He was marvelling about it and retorted he wanted to sleep in it.


Came the crux:
Night #1: Lay happily on his mattress. After bedtime story and good night song, he promptly grabbed his pillow and bolster and scrambled up our bed. He thought that was a pre-bedtime area? No, this is YOUR bed. We said. After much fussing, Clem had no choice but to sleep with him.



Night #2: Clem slept with him on the mattress. Once Cavan fell asleep, he moved up to the bed. I slept late so by the time I reached the bedroom, I saw the 2 of them on the bed! I woke Clem up and exclaimed how could he have given in and let Cavan up! He replied that he didn't. Cavan must have climbed up himself.


Night #3: I slept late again and I heard a commotion in the room. On entering the room, I saw Cavan half lying on the bed, half standing on his mattress. Asleep. Again we moved him down.


This transition must have taken a few nights. After which, Cavan settled in his new mattress. I am still trying to settle down with an emptier bed.


Sigh.