Vesper is vocal about what she wants and is not embarrassed to ask for it. One of the requests she makes mostly of me is to spend time with her.
I was able to do a lot that when i wasn't working- send her to and fro school (and enjoying the chats during the journey), having lunch together, prac piano/ spelling/ 听写, reading books, going to the playground, swimming etc.
Now that i started working, the time is divided among her and the other 2. Especially when primary school demanded more time from me, my time with Vesper lessened.
The best I could do was to lie with her before bedtime, chit chat and tell stories. To me, i fulfilled "spending time" with her.
But to her, it wasn't.
Her frequent grouse is that i don't soend time with her. But didn't i lie down with you, tell you stories blah blah blah. I retorted.
Not counted, came the grumble and she would get angry with me and stopped talking to me.
I was at a loss so i sought my counsel- clem.
Aha, he said, u must know what spending time to her means.
Aiyo, why this gal extra demanding. Ok ok for world peace, i will do just that.
So i must play her fav games with her e.g. Sophia the first monopoly, code breaker etc.
One night, i specially called out to her n said let't play code breaker together! And we had a wonderful time.
Two days later, she got angry with me again for the same reason n i jumped to my own defence, i just played with you two nights ago! No you didn't! Yes i did!
Anyway, no guesses on who lost in the end- me. You have such a bad memory! I sulked.
I turned to my counsel again.
Aha, when u do spend time with her, u must tell her u r spending time with her. Then it will register.
So troublesome this gal.
Today, i had the whole day of being with her. Just the two of us.
After she was done spelling and stuff, i asked if she'd like to play. And left it totally to her to decide.
And we played most of the games she likes.
In between, i kept asking. Is it great that mummy is spending time with you? Yes, she smiled happily. And kept coming to my side to hug me.
I hope i've redeemed myself. And must be mindful to "spend time" with her, according to her definition. And while i do that, must reinforce that i'm doing what i'm doing. A lot of management communication principles:
First, tell people what you r going to do.
Next, do it.
When you r doing it, tell people yiu r doing it.
After you have done it, tell people u did it.
Practising on my youngest key stakeholder.
Will she remember tomorrow?