recess time

To Cavan, empowerment comes in a form of a school recess time.

Till primary one, he's never had money in his hands, with the freedom to buy anything he loves, without Mommy hovering over him, saying 'no' to this and that.

For his first week at school, I didn't know what to expect, so I gave him $1.50 on top of packing ham sandwiches for him.

On the first day, I watched him from a distance at the school canteen. He ate his sandwiches and drank from his water bottle. Then he got up from his seat and walked around, in fact two rounds, the school canteen. Then he queued up at the drinks stall.

He returned to his seat with one siew mai.

When he was done, he threw the waste away and disappeared into another part of the canteen, hidden from where I was standing. He didn't appear for quite some time, and I was getting restless.

Then he emerged with a bowl of noodles.

I looked at my watch and panicked. There were 5 more minutes before recess time was over.

I caught his eyes and signalled him to hurry up. By then, the teacher was making announcements and students started streaming into the school hall. I was relieved when he managed to finish his bowl of noodles just as the bell rang.

That evening, I asked whether he was hungry. Why did he buy so much food and kept walking around the canteen?

His reply, "I haven't tried all the food yet!"

I was very amused by his reply. I told him that recess time is not buffet time. It's not for him to try out all the stalls.

* * * * * * * * * *

That week, he kept having noodles for recess. I was getting concerned that he was overeating. Just one week into school he was gaining.

So I told him no more noodles.

One day, he proudly told me after school that he didn't buy noodles. I was pleased until he said,

"I bought rice."

Faint.

* * * * * * * * * *

He lost his scissors at school. So I decided to punish him to teach him about being responsible for his own belongings. The punishment had to correspond to the nature of the deed, so I told him that he would not get pocket money for 2 days and the money will be used to buy a new pair of scissors.

It was a heavy sentence. To him.

He broke down and cried and said how sorry he was and he would never lose his things again. I felt sorry for him but punishment had to be meted out. He had to learn consequences.

So I consoled him that we would still pack food for him to eat. He would not go hungry.

Later he found his scissors and was very very glad.

Still, I decided to take away his pocket money and discussed with him.

My explanation was that he went to school after lunch and he would have dinner after school. He won't starve. We'd pack him stuff to eat in school.

He agreed. I was relieved.

At least a step to check that weight gain.

Maybe he was not ready for that 'empowerment'. Well, perhaps gradually. He still got pocket money when he had CCA and he could eat whatever he liked.

I was ok with this. Afterall, it was only once a week.

Pri 1 Registration

This three words. So potent. Mention them to any parent with 4-5 year-olds, and they send hearts palpitating.

Many parents start to scramble and look for "good" schools around their area. Not good schools? Shift to a new place. To increase chances, dig for their primary school report books, do volunteer work... whatever. As long as it guarantees a place in that school.

I am more the bochap parent. My expectations are simple:
1. Must be co-ed. What to do, I have kids of both gender.
2. Must be near home. I think in terms of convience of sending and fetching. And to consider CCA.

Too bad, both Clem's and my primary schools closed down. So we will go the traditional track - go by proximity and cross our fingers that it doesn't require balloting.

The next question put us in a dilemma. So should we consider a school near our CURRENT home or our FUTURE home (which will be ready in 2-3 years' time)? Whichever school Cavan goes to will determine our lives for the next 12 years!

Unfortunately, our property developer decided to be reaaaaally conservative and gave a late TOP. Which means we won't qualify for the school near our future home. We are just one quarter short.

Clem suggested doing parent volunteer. This, I'm dead against. I'm not going to pump in 40 hours or more to get my kids into a school! There are so many schools in Singapore, I don't believe there isn't a school my child can get into? It's just not worth my time. If I want to volunteer, I will, after my child has gotten into the school because I want to give back to the school. Not "volunteering" with an ulterior motive. That isn't "volunteering" anymore, just "buying" a place in the school with our time. What's worse, some schools have bad ethics - take in more volunteers than they have places for. Some parents did volunteer work and ended up being balloted out! Good grief!

As the date drew nearer to the registration, I thought hard and started feeling bad. What if, for all Cavan's potential, he didn't get the opportunity to develop it because he is in a less-than-optimal system? Then Clem, in all his wisdom, said,

"God is more interested in our children's future than us."

I hung on to this revelation. It was very liberating. I let go and let God.

Since we fell short of the TOP date by one quarter, we decided to register for the school near our current home. Afterall, we have received positive comments from friends from the MOE that this school was quite good.

I didn't expect it to be THAT good. When Clem called the school, the adminstrator was confident that we could get in cos we just stayed across the street. It turned out later that there were 125 vying for 87 spots! We had to ballot!

Though I was anxious, I had peace of mind. God was in charge. Besides, I didn't have any expectations so, no pressure. At most, go the other school down the street.

The day came for the balloting. There were many PRs. They got 1 balloting slip, while the Singaporeans got 2. I must commend the principal for conducting the session so well. I felt he was very empathetic and the entire process was very transparent. I liked him very much that I really wished Cavan would get in.

The PRs were lucky. With only 1 slip, many of them still got a place. When they picked the 78th spot, it was Cavan. Thank God!

Not to be xenophobic, but I thought it was unfair to put PRs and Singaporeans together in a balloting process. Though Singaporeans received 2 balloting slips, they were still thrown in together with the PRs for the balloting.

Anyway, Cavan is going to have many multinational friends. What will happen in 1-2 years' time when we shift? I have no idea. Will leave it in God's hands.

Lefty

Not sure if it's official, but Verity is a lefty.

We only noticed it when she went to Nursery One last year. Before that, we didn't pay much attention to which hand she used in her daily life like feeding, colouring or throwing.

Only when she went to school and did more writing and colouring that we realised she tended to use her left hand.

Thinking that there is a "right" way, I switched her to using her right hand. Afterall, kids at this age are malleable. Can train and change easily.

So I thought.

But it didn't seem "right". She applied weak strokes. I thought it was her terrible twos acting out. I became stricter and demanded her to be serious in her work. It didn't occur to me that was her weak hand.

During the parent-teacher meeting, I raised this concern to her teacher. Ms Grace was aware of Verity's preference. In class, she did not dictate which hand the child would use as at this stage the child would begin to seek out their stronger hand and preference. She told us that Verity wrote and coloured more steadily using her left hand. In any case, she asked us to decide whether we wanted Verity to switch to right hand so the teachers could also be consistent in guiding her at school.

We stopped dictating which hand Verity should use and observed her preference. She was at this awkward stage where she was caught between her natural dexterity and "social norm". So it might have somewhat become a hurdle to her as she wasn't sure which hand she should use.

As a result, she would sometimes claim that she didn't know how to scoop soup or rice. Again, it only occurred to me recently that she was fearing spillage as I was strict about mess. Nancy would encourage her to use her "strong" hand. I took the cue from Nancy. I no longer refer to "right" or "left" hand but "strong" hand.

Not using her right hand doesn't make it wrong.

I had to remind myself to be more aware of her situation and development needs and focus less on performance. I should help build up her confidence in performing tasks using her strong hand.

It was a little awkward for me as she would ask me to hold her hand to write. So I wrote in my best possible strokes using my left hand.

I have to remember to be patient if her movement using the computer mouse was not smooth and when she kept clicking on the right button instead of the left. (The mouse is designed for right handers!)

I have to remember to be patient when she cuts using scissors and her paper always ends up between the blades uncut. (Scissors are designed for right handers too!)

I have to understand that when she writes, the ink will smudge as her left hand would move from left to right. It's nothing to do with her untidiness.

My focus and perspective have changed. I have learnt to be more supportive as life skills may not come as easily for Verity, given that most equipments and instruments are designed for right handers.

Patience is a virtue I most lacked and through my daughter, I will learn to develop.

Ah, lessons God gives us through children.

School A Year Ago

Just a year ago, I wondered how Verity would take to school. While Cavan was adaptable, made friends easily and independent, Verity was more xiao jie and had people to fuss over her. I was also worried about her taking the school bus. She was barely 2.5 years old. Would she sit still on the bus? Would it be safe? Actually, I didn’t have to worry about her. I was sure Cavan would take care of her.


On their first day of school, I went to work for I would definitely be anxious. Dun think my emotions could handle it if Verity started crying. So I left it to Clem to follow them (secretly). He wanted to send the kids to school. I said no. Let Verity go through the day as-is, otherwise she would have the same expectation every day making it hard to transit.

So Clem darted in every corner so Verity would not see him.

Verity went up the school with Cavan without a fuss. We established a good-bye ritual that continued till today – hug, kiss, hi-5.

In school, Cavan held her hand and brought her to her class. Clem peeped from outside.

There were parents with their children. The children had to wash their hands before breakfast. Parents were helping their children wash and dry their hands. Verity observed and followed suit, without assistance.
During breakfast, while other children were distracted and had their parents to supervise, Verity was still eating her breakfast like a little lady, unfazzled by the surrounding chaos (and Clem still hiding well). Her steadiness persisted for weeks.
I was very proud of her. And proud of Cavan as a little guardian. Sometimes Verity cried in class and Cavan would go to her class to comfort. Teachers told us that Cavan was a good brother. He knew how to coax her and settle her.

Verity settled down in school like a big girl. Her teacher, Ms Grace, frequently gave feedback on how Verity was doing and I thanked God for nurturing teachers like her in school. Here were some things:

• Extended love and care for her friend. Verity would pat her friend’s chest when her friend was coughing

• Asked teachers and friends to pray for me and baby

• The Chinese teacher commented that Verity learnt very fast and had a very good memory. Though Verity started out with zero Chinese, she could understand and converse in Mandarin very quickly. The teachers were impressed that she remembered all the songs and dance steps, and often volunteer to sing and dance in front of the class.

• Being chatty, she would have lots to share and tell her teachers whenever she returned after the weekend.

I certainly didn’t expect it when Verity got an award. For Cavan, he received an award every year since Play Group.

When school hols started, Verity kept asking why there was no school. Tomorrow, school will start and she (and Cavan) had been looking forward to it.

So do I.

Of Pencils and Stylus

I have problems getting Cavan to write and draw on paper. He simply isn't interested. I wonder if I should be concerned, since he does his worksheets in nursery, colouring and drawing. The teacher's review (last year) was that Cavan had very strong language abilities, both in English and Chinese but showed little enthusiasm in craftwork.

Recently, I had a revelation. Cavan is not uninterested in writing and drawing. He is uninterested and uninspired by paper and pencil (or crayon, for that matter). For a long time, he often asks to doodle on our handphones and PDAs. Give him a paper and a pencil (or crayon) and he barely musters a few weak strokes. Give him a magnetic doodle board or an aqua doodle mat or a PDA and he can write his name and create pieces.

The following are some of his works. I would ask him what he drew. Below are the replies:

A girl

A dog

A happy face

Bird on a tree

Guess we've introduced him too early to a high tech world. I wonder how he's going to survive in school next time. Unless the school uses PC tablets of course. Meanwhile, we'd better "de-technologize" him and get him used to paper and pencils.

Cavan's Encounter with Mr Policeman

I received a phonecall from Cavan's teacher last Friday as I was travelling home from work. I got an initial scare.

Me: "Hello?"
Ms Gracie: (sounding unsure) "Is this Mrs Yee, erm, Cavan's mother?"
Me: (growing suspicious) "Yes?"
Ms Gracie: (sounding secretive) "Mrs Yee, actually I'm calling you regarding Cavan..."
Me: (Oh dear, what has my son done) "Yyyyes?"
Ms Gracie: "Actually, I just wanted to tell you that today during school...(Oh please, hurry and tell me what's going on)... that I put a present in Cavan's bag.
Me: (relieved) "Oh..." (I wasn't sure how to respond)
Ms Gracie: "Because today, we had a police officer... (Police officer? What happened? Sounds serious!)... who gave a talk in school."
Me: "Okay..." (Still waiting for more clues)
Ms Gracie: "And later there was a quiz at the end of talk."
Me: "Okay..." (Still waiting for more clues)
Ms Gracie: "Cavan volunteered to go up and answer the police officer's question. I thought that was very brave of him, so I decided to give him a little present after that."

What a relief! I thought what happened.

So it happened that the police officer was having a little quiz that was opened to K1 & K2 kids. N1 & N2 kids weren't really asked questions as they were too young and might not know how to answer or they might be fearful to go to the front. (Cavan is in N1)

However, Cavan went up to Ms Gracie and indicated that he would like to go up and answer the officer's question. So when the officer asked for a volunteer, Cavan raised his hand.

According to Ms Gracie, Cavan did not display any fear when standing in front of the assembly and in front of the officer. When the police officer asked Cavan a series of questions, Cavan was very attentive and looked at the officer when the questions were posed. He was able to answer the officer's questions.

Ms Gracie commented that she was very impressed with Cavan on his courage, that he dared to volunteer, not knowing what questions would be asked, and that he was able to pay attention to the officer. She marvelled that this was quite rare for a child his age hence wanted to commend him.

I felt so pleased with Cavan. Both Clement and I were so proud of him.

When we reached home, Cavan did not mention about this incident at all till we probed him. He repeated the questions asked and his replies to us. He was as pleased as punch over the whole incident.

Later, he said that when he wanted to be a policeman. But even later, he changed his mind and said he wanted to be a soldier because he can shoot people. Wherever he got this notion from?

Anyway, this was a pleasant news to us. Ms Gracie can get some award for storytelling, for creating fear and suspense.

Reconsidering school

Despite 4 wonderful months of PG at Gracehouse, we considered putting Cavan elsewhere for nursery next year and subsequently, kindergarten. We wanted to put him for the morning session which unavailable at Gracehouse. Moreover, it was more convenient to go to Glory Kindergarten. So we registered him at Glory and paid the fees.

Somehow, something in me kept telling me that perhaps that was not the best decision. To be frank, Cavan has made many friends in school and he was taught well. Though I was not the one schooling there, I had this sense of attachment to the school. Perhaps it was due to the updates that Cavan provided everyday.

Through him, I know that Elyssa initially refused lunch and only ate biscuits. Through him, I know that Nathaniel and Leston played alot with him and Leston's grandfather picks him up. I know that Yi Enn is a little boy who always says "Mum mum". Ethan and Genna were new friends who joined the class recently. I also learnt that the kids learnt math by singing "Green bottles hanging on the wall" that there were Elyssa-bottle, Nathaniel-bottle, etc. and Cavan-bottle was the last one standing before he fell and there were no bottles left.

Through him, I know that Miss Jenny was the one who always asked the children to "Drink water! Drink water!" And Miss Pandian always poured biscuits for the children. I never knew his lao-shi's name till recently cos he kept telling me her name was "yu tou" (fish head).

Through him, I discovered that I had been mispronouncing the word "biscuit". I've been saying "bis-kate" but Cavan corrected me that it should be "bis-curt" instead.

Cavan was already so familiar with the place and the people. I heard that Cavan would say hi to every teacher during assembly as he entered. He would help to drive the car and cycle the bikes back to the position after dismissal.

At the Meet-the-Parents session last week, I couldn't help but feel a sense of pity that we were to say good bye. It was made more difficult when Miss Pandian looked dismayed when we broke the news to her and Xiao Yi lao shi commented that she was going to lose her best student before hugging Cavan and smooching him. Later we heard that Cavan might get into the morning session afterall.

If that was true, we might reverse our decision to transfer Cavan. At most, we'd forgo the deposit and hopefully get back the fees that we've paid at Glory. Although Cavan adapts easily, we didn't want to assume that changes don't affect him. He's been through enough changes in his life for the past 3 months.

With Miss Pandian

With Xiao Yi lao shi With Miss Jenny

Fav play area

"I'm so happy to be here!"

Bumping into best friend Jedi outside classroom

Mr Friendly Award

I was surprised to see a laminated piece of paper in Cavan's schoolbag. He was awarded Mr Friendly in school.

Whoa! Nowadays, they even give out awards in playgroup, I exclaimed to Clem. Nevertheless, we were so proud of him. In the report, it stated that Cavan was awarded for "showing kindness and love towards friends".

We know that Cavan is a good-natured boy. There were times he came back and 'complained' that his friend, Nathaniel hit him and snatched his toy. (Clem also witnessed a few incidents.) But Cavan seldom retaliated. In fact, he regards Nathaniel as his friend. Whenever Cavan reaches playgroup, he never also fails to say hi to his friends and the teachers.

My little Mr Friendly! : )

The search is over. We enrolled Cavan the day we went for the open house. And the open house was meant for kindergarten, not playgroup. And started Cavan 2 days after his 1st encounter with the environment. He was happy to be left alone playing and scribbling while we were making enquiries and doing registration in the other room. Wanted to start him a week later but Clem said since Cavan was comfortable with the place, start him asap while the good memory was still there. Seize the day!

I left the task of sending Cavan to PG to Clem and my father. They would be less anxious than the kancheong spider mother. According to Clem, as soon as Cavan reached the classroom, he helped himself to the toys and asked them to leave, "You go, you go."

My boy has grown up.

A take-yourself passport photo for PG

Well, he's always been able to adapt rather easily to changing environment. This is evident from our trips, when we weaned him off his pacifier at 21 mos (only cried for 2 nights), and when we banished him from our bed to sleep on his own. It helped that he's a fuss-free boy.

Phew, another item settled before #2 comes...Can tick my checklist:
* Cavan to sleep on his own- check
* Send him to PG- check

School for Toddlers

We're facing the beginning of one of those "recces" for our kid. Our intention was to put Cavan in a school, playgroup, half-day childcare, whatever. This is to ease the load off my parents. But we're not as conscientious as most parents in sniffing out the best places, programme, curriculum etc. Our search was more like "Oh we passed by this place so could consider" kind of effort. Or by hearsay.

There are several criteria to consider:
* Convenience for my parents as they would be the ones fetching him
* 3-hour to half-day prog ( My mom's heart was breaking when I told her we wanted to put Cavan in childcare. She asked, "Can we not put him through the whole day? Very tiring, you know." Ok lah, half day then.)
* Starts at 8 - 8.30am so we can drop him off before we go for work
* Ideal if the environment is not confined to 4 walls, with external locale for outdoor activities.

Got to know about Faith Montessori by word of mouth and managed to contact the school. We'll be making a trip soon to find out more. Hope we won't procrastinate!