Beauty

Since young, Verity receives compliments as people gush over her, say how pretty she is and how good she looks in that dress/ blouse/ skirt. As a mom, I take pride and praise God that even I, ordinary looking creature, can pop a beautiful being.

As she grows, Clem and I try to impart to her that outer appearance is not everything. We were concerned that people's praises centred around her looks, not virtues or abilities. Moreover, she often gets chided (by me) for clumsiness, for tripping over herself, for spilling, for dropping whatever is in her hands. It seems she can't get anything right. Everything she holds drops to the ground.

These events, put together, may give her the impression that beauty is her only merit.

"Mommy, if I don't have ear rings, am I still pretty?"

This question jolted me. For a three-year-old then to ask me this shows how much worth she sees in herself.

"Darling, you are pretty even without ear rings, make-up, or nail polish. God has made you beautiful that you don't need all these things. What's important is your heart. If you have a beautiful heart, you are even more beautiful."

I started observing and thinking about the good traits she has.

Like how she is a generous and sharing person. She does not keep good things to herself and shares freely. When she goes out and we get something for her, she always thinks of her brother. Even she is left with the last piece of her favourite snack, she would still offer it to people.

Like how she is independant and cleans up her own mess. She would do her painting and by the time she is done and I enter the room, the brushes and bowls are washed and dried, the newspapers thrown away, the floor cleaned. All these done without an instruction from me.

Like how she has the smarts. She used to give excuses for not doing certain things because she doesn't know how to. So we build up her confidence by leading her. Many times, she surprises us with how much she actually knows and we will tell her that she has good brains. Like how we were surprised that she can converse rather well in Mandarin. So we commended her for her language abilities. Like how she surprised us with her mathematical abilities and we affirmed her analytical mind.

We have become more conscious about praising her for good behaviour and thoughts. Of
course, we will still say she looks nice in a certain outfit but our response towards good behaviour and good looks have to be balanced. Emphasis should be placed on what is important. Sometimes we forget and make a great deal over how pretty she looks. Sometimes I can't help but gaze at her for a long time and admire her.

Really, it's hard to resist all these behavior myself. Just need to keep my mouth shut and focus on her qualities!

friends

At their young age, we can already see how our kids develop friendship and what matters to them. Cavan and Verity are completely different in their approach to making friends.

Cavan thrives on having many friends. His teachers say that once he reaches school, friends start to call out to him. On the school bus, children will compete to sit next to him.

And he is also a loyal and forgiving friend. When he was in Nursery 2, there was a boy B, who said hurtful things to him. Once I saw B and remarked, "Your friend, B, fat fat one ah." Cavan got indignant and retorted, "You can't say such rude things about other people." "I thought you didn't like him?" I inquired. "Still, you cannot say bad things about him!" Two years later, he told me that B had become better and not so naughty anymore.

He has another friend, who was also abusive towards him. And he gets hurt easily. I was angry with Cavan cos he still wanted to be friends despite being emotionally and physically hurt by this person. Why subject yourself to so much pain? You're asking for it.

But Cavan believes in forgiveness and believes that every person will change for the better. Whenever we arrange for them to play, Cavan would pray that he will not be hurt and that the friend will be good. Whenever he gets hurt again, he'll cry and get very upset. But in the end, he'll always say, "I forgive him." And he does notice if the person has improved. He will report to me and say that so-and-so is now a good boy, so on and so forth.

I have such an angel for a son.

Verity, on the other hand, is highly selective when it comes to friends. She is happy just to have one best friend, K. All other people do not matter.

She was at a ballet class and this girl kept calling out to her. But Verity ignored her. I asked Verity why she ignored this girl. Weren't they from the same ballet class? Verity replied that her friend is K.

When K is around, Verity will not pay much attention to other friends and sticks to K like glue. I am always amused how Verity and K will hug and kiss each other non-stop whenever they are together. To the point of being disruptive. Cos they spend more time hugging and kissing each other.

Once, in the ballet class, I asked Clem to peep into the class. He said that the children were doing their exercises around the classroom and when suddenly Verity and K bumped into each other. Then they started giggling and hugging each other and totally disregard the class activity.

In school, the same thing. Her nursery teacher shared that Verity and K will talk non-stop to each other. And Verity only talked to K. She wanted to help them build healthy relationship with others as well so she separated them in different groups and they were no longer partners. Both gals went home and "complained" to their mommies that they were very sad because of this.

Of course, it's so sweet to see her so pally with her BFF. I really pray that their friendship will blossom till teens, till adulthood. At the same time, I also worry about her social life. I mean, her BFF will make other friends and she simply doesn't care about having other friends. I worry she ends up being alone and lonely.

Sometimes, she gets very sullen for no apparent reason and says that no one plays with her. I told her that she has to learn to play with others and not get angry and sulk when her friend is not around. I pray that when she grows up and mature, she will learn to make good friends.

Here they are, my two bubbies, so different when it comes to making friends. One a popular one, the other a highly selective one.

But both, very loyal.

Little Fashionista

Verity's sense of fashion became apparent before she even turned 2. Then she was already dictating what she wanted to wear. Going out became a constant battle as we argued about what she could and could not wear. Of course, she could wear whatever she liked but dear mommy here has internal rules about what clothes were appropriate for, say, going to the market or going to church.

Then again, it was cute to see what matches she came up with. I must say she is really creative and manages to pull stuff off.

One day, she decided to wear the skirt and complete the look with swimming cap and lego tunnel pieces as bangles.

She decided to put on this ensemble and voila! Rock Star look.

Again, her ensemble complete with Miss Lala glasses and bear necklace for a 80's disco look

She decided that Pooh's clothes look better on her as a vest

New ways to wear hairbands! As belts! There are two here: a lacy one and a bead one.

Nowadays, her tastes are more upmarket. She demands to wear dresses whenever she goes. Even to the wet market. And with her glittery nice shoes. Of course, I said no, wear shorts and slippers. Again another tussle. You just can't win.

She thinks pants are ugly and often asks us to make her pretty whenever we put on clothes for her.

Her high standards are not confined to herself. She also gives her assessment readily on others. "That auntie quite nice but a bit not nice." Why? "She doesn't have nail polish."

Ok, our little fashionista here is a perfectionist. Must complete the look.

Just yesterday, she found fault with her look. "I want to colour my hair."

Clement and I were shocked. What a thing to ask from a 3.5 year-old.

"Black is not nice." So what colour do you want? "I want to colour my hair pink. Maybe with a bit of yellow."

I am a little worried. For her age, she already places so much emphasis on appearance. Would she ask for plastic surgery when she grows up?

Lefty

Not sure if it's official, but Verity is a lefty.

We only noticed it when she went to Nursery One last year. Before that, we didn't pay much attention to which hand she used in her daily life like feeding, colouring or throwing.

Only when she went to school and did more writing and colouring that we realised she tended to use her left hand.

Thinking that there is a "right" way, I switched her to using her right hand. Afterall, kids at this age are malleable. Can train and change easily.

So I thought.

But it didn't seem "right". She applied weak strokes. I thought it was her terrible twos acting out. I became stricter and demanded her to be serious in her work. It didn't occur to me that was her weak hand.

During the parent-teacher meeting, I raised this concern to her teacher. Ms Grace was aware of Verity's preference. In class, she did not dictate which hand the child would use as at this stage the child would begin to seek out their stronger hand and preference. She told us that Verity wrote and coloured more steadily using her left hand. In any case, she asked us to decide whether we wanted Verity to switch to right hand so the teachers could also be consistent in guiding her at school.

We stopped dictating which hand Verity should use and observed her preference. She was at this awkward stage where she was caught between her natural dexterity and "social norm". So it might have somewhat become a hurdle to her as she wasn't sure which hand she should use.

As a result, she would sometimes claim that she didn't know how to scoop soup or rice. Again, it only occurred to me recently that she was fearing spillage as I was strict about mess. Nancy would encourage her to use her "strong" hand. I took the cue from Nancy. I no longer refer to "right" or "left" hand but "strong" hand.

Not using her right hand doesn't make it wrong.

I had to remind myself to be more aware of her situation and development needs and focus less on performance. I should help build up her confidence in performing tasks using her strong hand.

It was a little awkward for me as she would ask me to hold her hand to write. So I wrote in my best possible strokes using my left hand.

I have to remember to be patient if her movement using the computer mouse was not smooth and when she kept clicking on the right button instead of the left. (The mouse is designed for right handers!)

I have to remember to be patient when she cuts using scissors and her paper always ends up between the blades uncut. (Scissors are designed for right handers too!)

I have to understand that when she writes, the ink will smudge as her left hand would move from left to right. It's nothing to do with her untidiness.

My focus and perspective have changed. I have learnt to be more supportive as life skills may not come as easily for Verity, given that most equipments and instruments are designed for right handers.

Patience is a virtue I most lacked and through my daughter, I will learn to develop.

Ah, lessons God gives us through children.

Appetites

Inconsistency at the dining table. I had to ask one to eat slowly and the other to eat quickly.

Cavan has no problems. He gobbles up food quickly. And eats adult portion. Maybe more than adult portion. You ask him what's his favourite food and he ends up naming every edible thing.

He's always hungry. After his meal, he awaits his sister's leftovers. When Clem and I have our dinner, he requests for a bite here and there.

I told Cavan that he eats too fast, so the brain hasn't registered that he's eaten so he doesn't feel full yet. But he does say he is hungry and asks to eat something 30 - 40 min later.

Clem and I always think we got bang for our buck whenever we bring him for buffets. Especially when kids eat for free. We always snigger to ourselves that Cavan eats more than some adults and he doesn't have to pay. Cheapskate parents.

Then Verity. When she was younger, she was experimental with food. But her interest waned as she grows. She loves veg and fruits, and hates meat. (Now where did all that chubby cheeks come from?) It has become an ordeal making her eat her meals.

She plays around her bowl. Picks a grain or two. Nibble. Picks some veg. Nibble. I have to ask her to perform every step: Pick up spoon. Scoop. Feed. Chew. Swallow. 2- 3 rounds till I get really fed up and start yelling at her, threaten her or sometimes using reward to motivate. Carrot and stick, I've tried them all. But we just can't spend our time cajoling or coercing her right? Sometimes, Cavan tries to help his little sister by feeding and coaxing her. Other times, he simply hands me the ruler.

Inconsistency. I attempt to reward Verity with a cookie or chocolate if she eats fast. Then Cavan asks, how about me. I eat fast.

I told him: for you, you have to eat slower. And less.

The last thing I want is to give him more food. But how can one ever say no to a kid who wants more food?



School A Year Ago

Just a year ago, I wondered how Verity would take to school. While Cavan was adaptable, made friends easily and independent, Verity was more xiao jie and had people to fuss over her. I was also worried about her taking the school bus. She was barely 2.5 years old. Would she sit still on the bus? Would it be safe? Actually, I didn’t have to worry about her. I was sure Cavan would take care of her.


On their first day of school, I went to work for I would definitely be anxious. Dun think my emotions could handle it if Verity started crying. So I left it to Clem to follow them (secretly). He wanted to send the kids to school. I said no. Let Verity go through the day as-is, otherwise she would have the same expectation every day making it hard to transit.

So Clem darted in every corner so Verity would not see him.

Verity went up the school with Cavan without a fuss. We established a good-bye ritual that continued till today – hug, kiss, hi-5.

In school, Cavan held her hand and brought her to her class. Clem peeped from outside.

There were parents with their children. The children had to wash their hands before breakfast. Parents were helping their children wash and dry their hands. Verity observed and followed suit, without assistance.
During breakfast, while other children were distracted and had their parents to supervise, Verity was still eating her breakfast like a little lady, unfazzled by the surrounding chaos (and Clem still hiding well). Her steadiness persisted for weeks.
I was very proud of her. And proud of Cavan as a little guardian. Sometimes Verity cried in class and Cavan would go to her class to comfort. Teachers told us that Cavan was a good brother. He knew how to coax her and settle her.

Verity settled down in school like a big girl. Her teacher, Ms Grace, frequently gave feedback on how Verity was doing and I thanked God for nurturing teachers like her in school. Here were some things:

• Extended love and care for her friend. Verity would pat her friend’s chest when her friend was coughing

• Asked teachers and friends to pray for me and baby

• The Chinese teacher commented that Verity learnt very fast and had a very good memory. Though Verity started out with zero Chinese, she could understand and converse in Mandarin very quickly. The teachers were impressed that she remembered all the songs and dance steps, and often volunteer to sing and dance in front of the class.

• Being chatty, she would have lots to share and tell her teachers whenever she returned after the weekend.

I certainly didn’t expect it when Verity got an award. For Cavan, he received an award every year since Play Group.

When school hols started, Verity kept asking why there was no school. Tomorrow, school will start and she (and Cavan) had been looking forward to it.

So do I.

Pierced

Verity has been bugging us for earrings since she was less than 2 years old. I was hesitant as she has itchy fingers and I was afraid that she would meddle with her ear studs and hurt her earholes.

Moreover, she was always climbing about and jumping around, so the chances of hurting herself were higher.

She had to make do with toy clip-on earrings. And we would end up losing one of the pair.

In May this year, we passed by B'dazzled. Her daddy, struck by spontaneity, asked whether she wanted to pierce her ears. I was irritated and glared at him. Didn't we agree we'll do when she turns three, I muttered to him. Never mind lah, came his reply.

For Verity, once you asked, there was no turning back. She said yes! happily. I had to set her expectations. No crying, no meddling with earrings, be careful when combing hair and playing. She said yes yes yes to my naggings.

The decision was made under 3 min.

We went in and informed the lady that Verity was not yet three. The lady replied cheerfully, no problem. Her cheerfulness and mannerisms gave me the confidence that she could handle a young child.

She talked to Verity excitedly and asked her pick out her fav ear stud. Verity chose what she called "pink baby diamonds". And we were all set.

Suddenly, I had cold feet. What if they pierced one side and she started bawling and refused to do the other side? I stood outside the counter to stop myself from interfering. I was NERVOUS.

The lady was very professional. SHe asked another attendant to assist her. While speaking to Verity very kindly, she informed Verity that she was going to put "ice cream water" to her ears.

After that, she counted to three and both she and the attendant pireced Verity's ears together.

So clever, I thought.

She explained that for kids, they usually pierced two together.

All this while, Verity sat straight as a lady, without a flinch, without a cry. So cool, my baby.

Even weeks after, when there was blood on her ears, she didn't complain and didn't say a word. Not even when there was a sting or pain when we cleaned her open wound.

She took it all in a stride. Because it was a decision she made.

Miss Why

Verity: Mummy, I want go swimming pool.

Me: No.

Verity: Huh, why?

Me: Because it looks like it's going to rain soon.

Verity: Why?

This is a typical exchange between Verity and me. The endless "whys" usually happen if the answer is "no". And I thought the whys only happen with pre-schoolers. At her age, or so I read, she should be a Miss No. Meaning, everything we ask her to do, she will say "No".

Verity challenges authority, and does whatever she wants. I have an issue with that, because no one defies me. Clement says I have found my match. We are both very stubborn. But Verity wins. Because she uses no logic nor reason. And I simply can't fight with someone without reason.

So I introduced punishment. Something I did not have to introduce to Cavan when he was very young, since he was usually very compliant.

When Verity was 8 or 9 months old, she loved to take off her shoes and bite on the shoes. One day she took them off and was about to do the un-doable. I warned her, "If you bite the shoes, Mummy is going to smack your hand."

She paused a while, took a bite on her shoe and then GAVE ME HER HAND TO SMACK. She'd rather do whatever she liked and suffer the consequence!

Really, we'll have to instil more discipline on the gal than her brother because of her strong character. Sometimes we fail, because that strong character is wrapped up in a sweet, innocent face.

Verity: Mummy, open the shweet.

Me: No.

Verity: Why?

Me: Because you are about to eat lunch. After lunch.

Verity: Mummy, open shweet now!

Me: No! Later.

Verity: Mummy, open now. I want shweet. I want shweet! (and goes on forever before screaming and crying and becomes unconsolable, then refusing lunch and everything.)

I lose.

Smell Fetish

Ok, maybe "fetish" is an exaggerated word. But Verity seems to have a thing for smelling. Especially my clothes. Then she will either give a verdict whether it's "Nice", "Yucks!" or go on smelling to no end.

I'm between being super irritated having my blouse being tugged till it turns out of shape and exposing my bra strap, and being amused at her expression.

Perhaps this is her expression of establishing closeness and attachment. To me, I am of course happy that my gal wants a piece of me. But it's kind of embarrassing to expose my skin and strap in public, however open I may be.

Anyway, just let it be. I've never been really discreet anyway. ; p

Chitter Chatter

Verity is becoming quite a talkative girl. She loves to call out to us and blabber.

She started out at 8 months by addressing us. Not surprising, her first words were 哥哥, since she adores Cavan. even though we always refer to Cavan as kor kor. Her fav call-out was "Catch 哥哥", as it was her fav game. She scored many points with us as her next few words were "Ah ma", "papa", "mama" and not forgetting "mum mum" since she was such a foodie.

But it was funny how she progressed to call Clem from "Papa" to "Ah pa". Whenever Clem appears, she would shriek "Ah Pa!" in a loud shrill voice. So hokkien! My mum said no one taught her to say that as they would also say papa or daddy.

I supposed she took the cue from how she addresses "ah ma" (grandma) and "ah gong" (grandpa which she pronounces as "ah gerng"). Even for Nancy, in tagalog, aunt is addressed as "Tita" but Verity would call her "Ah Ta". Maybe pre-fixing an "Ah" is a form of endearment for her.

It was funnier, cos she would blabber in her normal voice but if she were to say anything with "Ah", she would go falsetto and shriek the names in such loud shrill voice.

So ah-soh!

Family Soccer Time!

Little Munchkin

Verity sure likes her food. She started semi solid at 5.5 months. While other babies started their 1st feed experimenting with several small spoons and bits, Verity decided to start with a big bang.

Her first feed was a bowl of porridge. Yes a bowl. Instead of displaying grimaces due to experiencing different textures in her mouth and coming to terms with foreign gooey stuff, she adapted with great (and quick) stride.

She yelled at my mom to quicken the feed. While my mom hurried to scoop the next mouthful, Verity was already yelling for more. So my mom had to feed very fast.

Verity was interested in every single thing we put in our mouth. Now, 1 month into eating, she has tried rice, bananas, pears, ice cream, beancurd, buns, bread, and durians. If we refuse to feed her anything we're eating, she would grimace, pout, shake her fists and stamp her feet.

We are breeding an eating machine.

Guess this can't be helped, since both Clement and I are the buffet-eater type.

Now that foods are more interesting, Verity shows less interest being breastfed. She would get so distracted by her surrounding that it become pointless to breastfeed. Suck suck, turn around, look around. Turn back and suck suck, turn around, look around. I'll keep pushing her face back but the same cycle would occur, as if internally programmed. I figure I should stop battling with breastfeeding and not get too emotional. I come to terms with the fact that I breastfeed as her snack, no longer a staple food.

Eat well, babe!

Cartoon kids

Someone recently remarked that Verity looked like Cabbage Patch kids. Yea so true! Doeful eyes, button nose, small mouth, chubby cheeks.

Many commented that Cavan looked like Jack Jack when he was a baby.

Why do our kids all resemble cartoon characters?

Return of the Working Mama

Tomorrow, I will return to the rat race. Admittedly, I've been looking forward to this day. However, as the day draws nearer, I'm beginning to have mixed feelings. Half of me wants to stay home.

Think I enjoyed this maternity leave more than the previous, though more exhausting. Reason being I had a conversation partner- Cavan. During my 1st maternity leave, there was only baby Cavan. I didn't have a decent adult conversation the whole day. Only monologue. And the replies came in "Wahhhhh!", "Eh eh eh", "Gurgle, gurgle." As you can see, I'm a social being. I need to talk!

Well, the things I'll miss when I return to work:

* enjoying private mornings with Cavan, dunking our wheat crackers in milo kosong

* hearing him yell, "Mommy, I'm home already!" as he returns from PG before letting loose on the happenings at PG

* feeling the warmth of Verity's tiny body while rocking her on my shoulder, and having her sleep on my chest

* watching Verity's satisfied face after nursing her

* seeing my 2 kids interact with each other

* watching my 2 kids asleep in the mornings and savouring every moment gazing at their serene, cherubic faces

Guess who is who?

Somehow, every newborn looks like his or her older sibling. (Not me though. My father said my brother and I looked poles apart as newborns.)

Which is Cavan and which is Verity?

Yes, the ones on the left with spiky hair is Cavan! No prizes for getting all answers right. The dates are stamped, what.

Many friends commented that Verity is a carbon copy of Cavan.

That left me wondering... does that mean Verity would look like this when she turns 8mos?

Attempting to "girlify" Cavan (8 mos) with a hairclip, much to his father's chagrin

A New Addition to the Yee Family... Verity Yee

Verity decided to come on the dot and arrived on 29 August 2007. She was in such a hurry to come out that she popped out before my gynae came, less than 2 hours after I was admitted to the hospital. More stories on the birth later.


In the meantime... a picture with Daddy & Mummy.

Verity Yee, born 29/8/07, 2121 hrs
2.7 kg, 47 cm