Lefty

Not sure if it's official, but Verity is a lefty.

We only noticed it when she went to Nursery One last year. Before that, we didn't pay much attention to which hand she used in her daily life like feeding, colouring or throwing.

Only when she went to school and did more writing and colouring that we realised she tended to use her left hand.

Thinking that there is a "right" way, I switched her to using her right hand. Afterall, kids at this age are malleable. Can train and change easily.

So I thought.

But it didn't seem "right". She applied weak strokes. I thought it was her terrible twos acting out. I became stricter and demanded her to be serious in her work. It didn't occur to me that was her weak hand.

During the parent-teacher meeting, I raised this concern to her teacher. Ms Grace was aware of Verity's preference. In class, she did not dictate which hand the child would use as at this stage the child would begin to seek out their stronger hand and preference. She told us that Verity wrote and coloured more steadily using her left hand. In any case, she asked us to decide whether we wanted Verity to switch to right hand so the teachers could also be consistent in guiding her at school.

We stopped dictating which hand Verity should use and observed her preference. She was at this awkward stage where she was caught between her natural dexterity and "social norm". So it might have somewhat become a hurdle to her as she wasn't sure which hand she should use.

As a result, she would sometimes claim that she didn't know how to scoop soup or rice. Again, it only occurred to me recently that she was fearing spillage as I was strict about mess. Nancy would encourage her to use her "strong" hand. I took the cue from Nancy. I no longer refer to "right" or "left" hand but "strong" hand.

Not using her right hand doesn't make it wrong.

I had to remind myself to be more aware of her situation and development needs and focus less on performance. I should help build up her confidence in performing tasks using her strong hand.

It was a little awkward for me as she would ask me to hold her hand to write. So I wrote in my best possible strokes using my left hand.

I have to remember to be patient if her movement using the computer mouse was not smooth and when she kept clicking on the right button instead of the left. (The mouse is designed for right handers!)

I have to remember to be patient when she cuts using scissors and her paper always ends up between the blades uncut. (Scissors are designed for right handers too!)

I have to understand that when she writes, the ink will smudge as her left hand would move from left to right. It's nothing to do with her untidiness.

My focus and perspective have changed. I have learnt to be more supportive as life skills may not come as easily for Verity, given that most equipments and instruments are designed for right handers.

Patience is a virtue I most lacked and through my daughter, I will learn to develop.

Ah, lessons God gives us through children.

Appetites

Inconsistency at the dining table. I had to ask one to eat slowly and the other to eat quickly.

Cavan has no problems. He gobbles up food quickly. And eats adult portion. Maybe more than adult portion. You ask him what's his favourite food and he ends up naming every edible thing.

He's always hungry. After his meal, he awaits his sister's leftovers. When Clem and I have our dinner, he requests for a bite here and there.

I told Cavan that he eats too fast, so the brain hasn't registered that he's eaten so he doesn't feel full yet. But he does say he is hungry and asks to eat something 30 - 40 min later.

Clem and I always think we got bang for our buck whenever we bring him for buffets. Especially when kids eat for free. We always snigger to ourselves that Cavan eats more than some adults and he doesn't have to pay. Cheapskate parents.

Then Verity. When she was younger, she was experimental with food. But her interest waned as she grows. She loves veg and fruits, and hates meat. (Now where did all that chubby cheeks come from?) It has become an ordeal making her eat her meals.

She plays around her bowl. Picks a grain or two. Nibble. Picks some veg. Nibble. I have to ask her to perform every step: Pick up spoon. Scoop. Feed. Chew. Swallow. 2- 3 rounds till I get really fed up and start yelling at her, threaten her or sometimes using reward to motivate. Carrot and stick, I've tried them all. But we just can't spend our time cajoling or coercing her right? Sometimes, Cavan tries to help his little sister by feeding and coaxing her. Other times, he simply hands me the ruler.

Inconsistency. I attempt to reward Verity with a cookie or chocolate if she eats fast. Then Cavan asks, how about me. I eat fast.

I told him: for you, you have to eat slower. And less.

The last thing I want is to give him more food. But how can one ever say no to a kid who wants more food?



Empty Nest Syndrome

My kids haven't even left home and I'm already feeling this. They left my room.

Actually, Clem and I had been trying for years to drive them out of our room. Blame it on me. I wanted the kids to co-sleep with us, as I wanted to spend every waking and sleeping moment with them since Clem and I work.

When I was expecting Verity in my last trimester, I drove Cavan out of our bed. Even when he slept on the floor, I already missed him.

Eventually he was supposed to sleep in his own bed in the other room when we brought baby Verity home. He did for 2-3 nights and came back to our room. Clem lamented but I was secretly pleased. The whole family was in one room again!

When I was expecting Vesper, I was serious about the kids moving out. Starting with Cavan.

We told him he has to sleep in his own room when he turns five. He didn't.

We told him he has to do it when Verity turns 3. Again he didn't.

He bargained with us and asked why not do it when he turns 10? I mentioned some of his friends and told him none of them sleep in the parents' room.

For Verity, once Cavan vacates from our room, she will take over his place. But Cavan didn't budge so she remained. We set up the baby playpen for her to sleep. It lasted for weeks then revert to original arrangement.

Cavan drew this in his school journal. Now the teachers know how we sleep

So what was the crux that made them eventually change their mind?

I had to deliver Vesper and Clem would be staying with me in the hospital.

I already prepared Cavan mentally a few days before I actually popped that he and Verity had to sleep in their room when daddy and I go to the hospital to bring Vesper.

So the night of Vesper's birth was the night they shifted. For good.

I was surprised they didn't kick a fuss but obediently carried their sleep stuff, made the beds ans settled down pretty quickly. The next day, Cavan told me that his bed was very comfortable!

Verity's transition was greater. We night toilet-trained her at the same time. A couple of days after they shifted, Clem decided to remove her night diapers and reminded her to wake up to go to the toilet if she needed to.

The 1st 2 weeks she woke Clem up to bring her to the toilet. After that she trotted to the toilet herself, switched on the button light. did her business, and trotted back sleepily.

And all this while she did not wet her bed even once. We praised her for her achievement. She was so proud the 1st thing she told her teacher upon returning to school was not about the new baby but that she didn't need to wear diapers anymore.

I would surely miss the bedtime activities at our bed, reading books, telling one another about our day, taking turns to pray and other blabber.

But it's time to grow up. For me.

School A Year Ago

Just a year ago, I wondered how Verity would take to school. While Cavan was adaptable, made friends easily and independent, Verity was more xiao jie and had people to fuss over her. I was also worried about her taking the school bus. She was barely 2.5 years old. Would she sit still on the bus? Would it be safe? Actually, I didn’t have to worry about her. I was sure Cavan would take care of her.


On their first day of school, I went to work for I would definitely be anxious. Dun think my emotions could handle it if Verity started crying. So I left it to Clem to follow them (secretly). He wanted to send the kids to school. I said no. Let Verity go through the day as-is, otherwise she would have the same expectation every day making it hard to transit.

So Clem darted in every corner so Verity would not see him.

Verity went up the school with Cavan without a fuss. We established a good-bye ritual that continued till today – hug, kiss, hi-5.

In school, Cavan held her hand and brought her to her class. Clem peeped from outside.

There were parents with their children. The children had to wash their hands before breakfast. Parents were helping their children wash and dry their hands. Verity observed and followed suit, without assistance.
During breakfast, while other children were distracted and had their parents to supervise, Verity was still eating her breakfast like a little lady, unfazzled by the surrounding chaos (and Clem still hiding well). Her steadiness persisted for weeks.
I was very proud of her. And proud of Cavan as a little guardian. Sometimes Verity cried in class and Cavan would go to her class to comfort. Teachers told us that Cavan was a good brother. He knew how to coax her and settle her.

Verity settled down in school like a big girl. Her teacher, Ms Grace, frequently gave feedback on how Verity was doing and I thanked God for nurturing teachers like her in school. Here were some things:

• Extended love and care for her friend. Verity would pat her friend’s chest when her friend was coughing

• Asked teachers and friends to pray for me and baby

• The Chinese teacher commented that Verity learnt very fast and had a very good memory. Though Verity started out with zero Chinese, she could understand and converse in Mandarin very quickly. The teachers were impressed that she remembered all the songs and dance steps, and often volunteer to sing and dance in front of the class.

• Being chatty, she would have lots to share and tell her teachers whenever she returned after the weekend.

I certainly didn’t expect it when Verity got an award. For Cavan, he received an award every year since Play Group.

When school hols started, Verity kept asking why there was no school. Tomorrow, school will start and she (and Cavan) had been looking forward to it.

So do I.