Reasons for Having Three

(From 2010...)

When you are pregnant, you can expect these 3 common questions from people, even strangers:

1. How many months?
2. Is it a boy or girl?
3. It's your number...

The interesting part comes after this. People will start speculating the gender of the kid(s) you already have. The conversation continues from question 2...

Me: It's a girl.
A: It's your number...
Me: 3.
A: So you have 2 boys?

There's where assumption kicks in.

People readily assume that you're trying for a gender you don't already have, that's why you have 3 kids. So is there really a reason for having 3? Let's analyse the reasons for having 1 and 2 first.

Baby #1 happens for various reasons: Parents are ready, parents are not ready (so-called accidents), erm I can't think of anymore. Make that 2 reasons then.

Baby #2 happens for more reasons: Because the 1st one is a boy/ girl, and parents are (secretly) hoping for a different gender (Don't believe them if they say it doesn't matter); Because the 1st is lonely and needs a playmate; Because parents believe in one-to-one replacement rate (ok, I'm kidding for this one. Who seriously thinks for the nation when it comes to procreation?)

Now, Baby #3. There are parents who are really trying for a different gender if the 1st 2 are repeats. Or parents grow up in a big family and would like the same bustle around at home. Or parents simply like kids and don't mind having more.

What about OUR reason? Before it happened, I don't have a reason for having #3. One boy, one girl is already perfect. Foodcourt seats are designed for a family of 4. NDP tickets are restricted to 4. Coin-operated kiddy rides are designed for at most 2 riders. When you go on amusement rides, you go in pairs. If you live in a four-room flat, each of the kids get his/ her own room. Each of the parent holds one child, just nice.

People asked whether it was planned or accident. I said for Clem it was planned. For me, it was an accident. My gynae called it accidently planned. Whatever it was, it happened.

Now that it happened, I began to see the up-side.

Having come from a family of 2 kids, the benefit of having more siblings only occurred to me after I got married.

I realised how quiet and empty my house became after I married. That's why I tried to go back as much as I could. It got worse after mom passed away, leaving pa and bro. It's just my bro and I trying to handle family affairs together, taking care of parents' needs, and sometimes I wish there was another sibling to share, to discuss.

#3 is really God-given and a blessing. I guess there are adjustments to be made, and more expenses. And I always tell Clement that he is such a good dad that he deserved to have more children (sorry, but after this, STOP!).

I'm proud to say I'm a mom of 3. I think it's so cool. Cavan was delighted to have another sibling. As for Verity, I feel sorry for her. I really wanted her to be the baby of the family, the princess of the family. For Verity's sake, I would have felt better if #3 were a boy. But then, it's God-given and I would not have it another way.

I'm looking forward to a noisy family setting. Already, we can hardly hear ourselves talk with the 2 loudly demanding 100% of our attention. How, with one more, I always asked Clem playfully. When I see Clem fooling around with the 2 at home, I would imagine another young one toddling along and it brought so much warmth to my heart.

I'm looking forward to you joining our family, Vesper.

Akan Datang

The visit to the gynae today really made me all anxious.

I've been taking it easy with the preparation, knowing that my EDD was 21 Dec 2010. I still have a month to go. There's time! So I planned my work right down to my last working day - 20 Dec. Or so I wish.

For the visit today, I knew that Dr was going to perform an internal check. Plus I had several questions to ask him, so we didn't bring the kids along.

He confirmed that he might not be around for my delivery as he is on leave from 3 - 15 Dec. I asked him for his stand-in doctors and he provided me three names, out of which two were his good friends.

When we did a scan, he exclaimed oh good, the baby's head is down already. And after performing an internal check, he said rather matter-of-factly, "You're very open. Maybe I can get to deliver you," as he pulled out his gloves and walked back to his table.

I was stunned. "Huh, do you mean before 3 Dec or after 15 Dec?"

"Maybe before 3 Dec. Might even be this week."

Whhhhat??!!

"When you said 'very open', how many cm?" I persisted.

"You're already 2cm dilated."

So he had me scheduled to see the following Monday (29 Nov), muttering that would be the last Monday he's around. My mind was full of suspicion. I certainly hope he won't trigger labour by a vigorous internal check, like what he did for Cavan and Verity. At the same time, I was hoping he would deliver me. After all, I paid to see him, not his stand-in doctors!

Clem chuckled, "You'd better tell your colleagues on 29 Nov to be prepared not to see you in the office the next day."

I glared at him and pouted.

Well, I just hope I get to celebrate our anniversary, my birthday and watch Pinocchio the Musical with the kids before baby comes.

And try to settle my work matters by this week. And quickly start buying and washing the baby stuff, re-organise the house and wardrobe. And train the kids to sleep on their own beds, not on my bed!

So many things to think about. No wonder I can't sleep now.

A Name for #3

For the 1st time, we already had a name for our baby even before she was born.

For Cavan, we didn't check the gender so we prepared a list of boy and gal names. Cavan was shortlisted and he had the Cavan look, so it was perfect.

The name Verity was not in the list of names when we had Cavan. I was inspired cos I knew someone named Verity and she was a sweet person. And the name was so sweet, and not a hybrid. And you can find it in a dictionary.

This time round, we decided to start early a few months ago. I polled the stakeholders and asked what name is nice for our baby. The following names came up:

Hannah - suggestor: Cavan. Not a bad name. Biblical too. Why did you choose this name, I asked. Bcos I like Hannah Montana, he said. Strike off.

Sarah - suggestor: Verity. No particular reason. But too common, I said. So, strike off.

After this came many suggestions. Eventually, Cavan the ingenious one exclaimed with a sparkle in his eyes.

"I know, I know! We combine my name and Verity's name. We call our baby Cavity!"

We laughed and ruffled his hair. He was so innocently pleased with his contribution until we told him what that meant.

We were still in search of a name, preferably starting with "V". I jokingly told Clem that since I can't have my dream scooter, Vespa, I might as well name our baby Vespa.

This name got stuck. And I was getting serious. And Clem thinks I'm being ridiculous.

Later, I remembered that there was an English word "Vesper". I checked and got the following:

1. Vesper Martini is a cocktail that was originally made of gin, vodka, and Kina Lillet.

Oops, ok, I like Martini but I don't think this is a selling point if I need to convince Clem.

2. the evening star, esp. Venus; Hesper.

3. Also called vesper bell . a bell rung at evening.

4. a) a religious service in the late afternoon or the evening.

b) the sixth of the seven canonical hours, or the service for it, occurring in the late afternoon or the evening.

c) Roman Catholic Church . a part of the office to be said in the evening by those in major orders, frequently made a public ceremony in the afternoons or evenings of Sundays and holy days.

d) evensong

5. evening

It didn't sound so bad after all. I smsed Clem that I've decided to name baby Vesper.

He: What? I'm not going to name my baby after a scooter.

I: It's not Vespa, it's Vesper

He: What does it mean?

I: It means evening

He: First, it sounds like a scooter. Now, in the dark some more. Cannot cannot, sounds like a rebel.

Grrrr... so dense!

Then one night, something happened that I was convinced it was a sign.

I was sleeping when suddenly I awoke in the middle of the night, humming a familiar tune I used to sing during my Girl Guide days. Remembering some of the words, I did a quick google and got the following result:

Scout Vespers

I should feel spooked at this time. Instead, I was elated!

I shared with Clem excitedly the morning he awoke. He was skeptical. Then I recited the lyrics to him. Meaningful right? Meaningful right? It's so reflective.

Ya ya ya, was his way of entertaining my ridiculous outburst.

Anyway, I was a good persuader and salesman so eventually he got used to the idea. I kept calling our baby Vesper, to get him into it. Clem said now the name has a nice ring to it.

I shared the name with our kids. Cavan wrinkled his nose and asked "What, it sounds like a TV show!"

Curious, I asked which show had Vesper?

"Vesper Housewives, your favourite show!"

This boy is really funny. Desperate Housewives lah, I corrected him.

Anyway, here are the lyrics to Scout Vespers.

Scout Vespers

Softly falls the light of day,
While our campfire fades away.
Silently each scout should ask:
"Have I done my daily task?
Have I kept my honor bright?
Can I guiltless sleep tonight?
Have I done and have I dared
Everything to be prepared.?"

Listen Lord, oh listen Lord,
As I whisper soft and low,
Bless my Mom and bless my Dad,
There is something they should know.
I have kept my honor bright.
The Oath and Law has been my guide.
Mom and Dad, this you should know,
Deep in my heart I love you so.