I made a last minute arrangement with my colleague to fly to Hong Kong over the weekend. There was a lot of hesitation. I wasn't concerned about the impulsive plan. Neither was I concerned about having to fork out that money when I could have saved it for our Melbourne trip later this year (no big deal, I'm going to get my bonus).
I am so going to miss my son.
Somehow motherhood makes a person all cushy and mushy. Usually I'm the sort- just follow your head (yep, my hubby is more of a heart person). This time, I feel I'm abandoning my child to enjoy!
Why did I feel different last June when Clem and I skipped off to Bali when Cavan was 4 months old? I could just go. Ah, I know. Cavan then was just a babe. It didn't matter whether I was there. He didn't have a concept of a mother being. As long as his main caretaker (his grandma) was there, it was fine. No separation anxiety.
Now it's different. He recognised me as mummy. How can mummy even go anywhere without him? That's what he thinks. Hmm... I feel more wanted, more needed. Hence more difficult to leave.
Finally, I feel like a mother.
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