Touched

I have been touched by my children.

Just last 2 months when Clem was overseas, I slept with the 2 kids on our bed. We usually would take turns to pray before going to sleep. It was very sweet to hear the children's prayers, as they would pray whatever came to their mind.

Cavan: Dear God, I miss Daddy. I pray he will be safe and come back soon. Lord, I pray he will not go to USA because then we cannot see Daddy. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Verity: Dear God, I love Daddy forever the more. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

One night, Cavan got up to pee. As he returned to the bed, he actually placed the blanket over me and kissed me on my cheek. I was so filled with emotion that I reached over and gave him a hug and a kiss. Then he whispered, "I love you, mommy."

A few nights ago, I was touched by Verity. This feisty gal does not display as much affection as her brother. Cavan hugs and kisses easily. And he is always full of loving words. At most Verity would just follow suit.

That night, when it was her turn to pray, she said,

"Dear God, I pray mommy not work late and not tired. Then we can play monkey. I also pray for kor kor, that no cough and no need to eat pi par kao. In Jesus' Name, Amen!"

I was not expecting this at all. She was un-guided and used the little words she knew. But she expressed her prayer with such love and sincerity, I couldn't believe it came from a two-year-old.

I am truly amazed how at such a tender age, she understood what a prayer was and what it meant to talk to God. And she knew about putting a request before God.

From these, I could see that it was God working in their lives. His Spirit reaches the hearts of the children. Verity couldn't have understood the concept of prayer as it was an abstract action. But she was able to, because she was led by the Spirit of God.

Truly, I give thanks to God. For showing Himself through the children. As much as I am touched, I am also humbled.

Sushi Making for Kids

I stumbled upon a sushi making tool during Toys Fair at Taka. I was totally sold by the demo video and told Clem to buy it. He gave the box a look of disbelief and asked if it was a toy. No, I replied adamantly. It can help to make sushi beautifully. Watch the video! The usual sucker-me dragged him to see the evidence.

Yeah! Clem bought the thingy for me since it was not very ex. So no heart pain even if it doesn't work. He said he thought he only needed to buy toys for 2 kids. Now got extra kid. Hey, it's not a toy ok! I retorted.

The kids and I were so excited, we decided to make sushi for breakfast the next day.

Simple ingredients: our usual Calrose rice (just like short-grain Jap rice, except that it's not ex), canned tuna, denbu (the sweet, pink powdered codfish), sushi vinegar and seaweed.

First spread rice, tuna and denbu

Then, roll seaweed in and turn knobs

Yummy sushi done! Hassle-free! Mess-free! No more rice sticking on your hands!

You make, I eat

It was really fun and easy. Cavan had loads of fun rolling the sushi. We ended up eating so much carbo for brekkie! Even for dinner later that day, we brought the thing to our inlaws' as Cavan wanted to eat his dinner rolled up. He rolled his rice, eggs and meat in seaweed and ate.

Whatever. As long as he eats his meals.

meet-and-greets

I didn't understand why people bothered to queue and wait for 15-20 min shows at shopping malls, to see prancing cartoon characters on stage. You can watch from the side, can't you?

When we were dating, I told Clem there was no way I would queue up for these in future, if we had kids.

When we had Cavan, I said Clem could queue and watch the show with our kid and I'd go shopping.

I ate my words recently. Double portion.

We joined the queue and I SAT IN at the show. And I had my picture taken with Thomas and the Fat Controller.

To be honest, I was even the one who suggested it. Seeing the ads in the papers that Thomas and Friends would be staging meet-and-greet at Marina Square, my first response was, "I must bring the kids there!"

And I was the one kiasu about the whole thing. I wanted to go for the earlier session at 11am, since the kids usually wake up really early anyway. So I planned our marketing and breakfast time, so we could get to MS really early. We reached there slightly before 10am.

We hung around the stage area and never stepped outside THE ZONE. When Clem suggested we went elsewhere, I snapped and said, "What? We came all the way for the show. What if we couldn't get in the show when the queue grew?"

Half an hour before the show, the area was cordoned off and lanes were prepared for queues. There was no one queueing. Then, a pair of siblings sat at the start of the lane. I hastened Clem to join in behind them. So there he was, with Cavan at 2nd position. I was mighty pleased.

Our kiasu act prompted everyone else to follow suit. Soon, the queue snaked round and round.

We got to sit in the first row on the floor! I felt a great sense of achievement! I participated as eagerly answering trivial bits about Thomas and Friends and toot-tootering away with the audience.

As I sat at the square and saw people around, suddenly I was brought to mind those things I said before about meet-and-greets! What a change of mentality I have now...

Can't deny the fact that kids can change you. Anything we'd do to see their happy faces. All worth it!

He Ain't Heavy, He's My Father

My father told me that he fell in love with me the first moment he laid his eyes upon me after I was born. Because I looked exactly like him. Fathers are naturally proud of their daughters, what more those that resemble them.

His love was made so evidently to me throughout my growing years. And even to now, although displayed more differently now that I'm a mom. When I was little, he loved to cuddle me, tease me and see my fuming face cos that was when my mom would repeat the old mantra that my "black face" was exactly like his. I remember he loved to play with me in my semi-sleep state on weekend mornings, as he must have loved seeing my dreamy, bliss face before morphing into an irritable grouse if he were to rouse me further.

We loved to wrestle and tickle on the bed. And before long, I the loser, would start wailing and sobbing and that gave my father more reason to hug and cuddle me.

In primary school, I participated in a Chinese composition writing competition and I wrote about my father. Think I got a 2nd or 3rd prize. I would always think of my father in most occasions.

In my teenage years, my father's affection was unchanging. But I was undergoing changes as a teenager. I began to shy away from his public display of affection as I found it embarrassing. One morning, he was feeding me by mouth (he loved to share his food with me like that) at a coffeeshop and I was teased by an auntie passing by. As he held out his hand to hold mine when walking on the street, I pulled my hand away. I also stopped our cuddling acts.

 

My teenage years were also the time I witnessed my father's fiery temper. Perhaps it was stress from his work that caused him to throw his temper at home. Anyone who crossed his path during those times would be asking for trouble. Hence, I would always hide in my room during these storms and prayed fervently that I would not get into trouble. Sometimes, I would clash with him on purpose (I'm such a confrontational person) and I would see my personal things being destroyed, thrown away. Really, there were times I hated my father and wanted to leave home. But at the end of which, I would throw myself into his arms again when he simmered down and extended his arms to me.

There was one time I literally packed my bags and threatened to leave after an awful shouting match. He yelled that I had better change this nasty temper of mine. I retorted that he only changed when he was 45, I had 22 more years to go. Of course, I didn't leave home eventually as my mom begged and restrained me. And afterall, it was only a threat.

My wedding day must have been a bittersweet day for my father. His daughter would be handed over to another man. Before I left for my in-laws, he suddenly took out a pack of milk to feed me. I was embarrassed but to him, it was symbolic. It was supposedly his last time to indulge in me as from then on, another man would take over this role.

As I walked down the aisle with him, he asked me if I was nervous. Yes I was. He said he was nervous too. He kept talking to me as we walked, as if to reassure me. Being the father of the bride must not have been easy, keeping up that smile so his daughter could have the happiest day of her life.



I was giving my thanks after the wedding ceremony and I knew that I wouldn't be able to control my tears when talking about my father. I tried to prepare a speech beforehand but I couldn't, cos I would start to cry whenever I thought of my father's tender love towards me. I went impromptu on stage. I wept. My father wept. So did most of the guests.

Even after I was married and moved into our new house, he would often come over to scrub my sink and sharpen my knives. Yes, funny things he would do but acts that show his love. We still fought very badly at times and I regretted having acted the way I did.

As the children came, his public affection transferred to them. I saw less of it. Our interactions became more polite, less physical. I am more careful in my words and actions as my father is a sensitive man. I don't want to anger him as I did in the past and especially now that my mom is gone.

My father had been such a huge influence to me. Because of him, I am who I am now. Because of his affection, I didn't need to seek love from another guy and had healthy friendships with guy friends, instead of jumping from BGR to BGR. And I found a good man, because my father was the model. Because of his assurance and belief in me, I became a confident person.

True there are still ups and downs in our relationship but I am very proud of my father despite his shortcomings. I proclaimed this to him during my wedding and I would say it again:

If I could choose, I want you again as my father

I love you, pa.

A Boy's Views on Marriage

During cell yesterday, Jo came to Yoyo and me, and told us that our kids were getting married on her patio.

Haha, yea a tad too young. Afterall, the 2 kids are only 4 years old this year. What do they know?

More than we think, I suspect. Well, nowadays, we can't underestimate how much they actually know.

Sometime back, during one of our usual casual chats, I asked Cavan if he knew what a "wife" was. He replied, "A wife means it's a girl that you love and you want to be with her forever." Not bad. (On a side note, I noticed that Cavan usually describes and defines words really well.)

After the episode yesterday, I asked him on our way home, "So, you married Bernice?" He evaded the question shyly. I probed, "Do you love her?" He nodded.

"How about Faith? Do you love her?" He nodded.

"Do you love Krisalyn?" Again, he nodded.

"Do you love Erika?" Yet again, he nodded.

"Then why don't you marry them?"

"Aiya, you can't marry everybody!" he replied, rolling his eyes in mock frustration.

Clement was so proud of his son's comments and praised him, while extolling the virtues of being faithful to one.

Then Cavan added, "The bed would be so squeezy. How can you squeeze so many people?"

That really threw us off and we roared at his spontaneous reply. There we were talking about values and the boy was concerned about practical issues. I guess at this point, he just has other priorities...

Miss Why

Verity: Mummy, I want go swimming pool.

Me: No.

Verity: Huh, why?

Me: Because it looks like it's going to rain soon.

Verity: Why?

This is a typical exchange between Verity and me. The endless "whys" usually happen if the answer is "no". And I thought the whys only happen with pre-schoolers. At her age, or so I read, she should be a Miss No. Meaning, everything we ask her to do, she will say "No".

Verity challenges authority, and does whatever she wants. I have an issue with that, because no one defies me. Clement says I have found my match. We are both very stubborn. But Verity wins. Because she uses no logic nor reason. And I simply can't fight with someone without reason.

So I introduced punishment. Something I did not have to introduce to Cavan when he was very young, since he was usually very compliant.

When Verity was 8 or 9 months old, she loved to take off her shoes and bite on the shoes. One day she took them off and was about to do the un-doable. I warned her, "If you bite the shoes, Mummy is going to smack your hand."

She paused a while, took a bite on her shoe and then GAVE ME HER HAND TO SMACK. She'd rather do whatever she liked and suffer the consequence!

Really, we'll have to instil more discipline on the gal than her brother because of her strong character. Sometimes we fail, because that strong character is wrapped up in a sweet, innocent face.

Verity: Mummy, open the shweet.

Me: No.

Verity: Why?

Me: Because you are about to eat lunch. After lunch.

Verity: Mummy, open shweet now!

Me: No! Later.

Verity: Mummy, open now. I want shweet. I want shweet! (and goes on forever before screaming and crying and becomes unconsolable, then refusing lunch and everything.)

I lose.

Bye Auntie (See You Again!)

Nancy went home last Fri before her contract ended.

Her estranged husband of 8 years suddenly returned home and wanted to sell her house and take her two daughters. Having no other choice, she had to return home to settle this problem (a divorce) and requested for 2 weeks' leave. I asked her if 2 weeks were really enough to settle it. I mean, divorce is really a complicated matter which is not easily settled within 2 weeks.

I was afraid she was without help and that she would be taken advantage of by her husband. In this case, it was obvious that it was money he was after. So I started to research on the Family Law in Philippines to see what options might Nancy have and read 66 pages full of legal terms.
Divorce was not allowed in the Philippines law. They can annul the marriage. To begin with, they don't have marriage certs like we do.

Armed with more knowledge, I discussed with her the options and how she could get out of it with minimal losses. This was the least I can do to help her. I was full of sympathy for her as she had left to make ends meet and to pay off debts incurred by her husband and family. Before she could even start saving a decent sum, here came one more wave to drown her with financial woes. Hence, we helped her out by paying for the bigger ticket items for her trip back.

I checked with her frequently on updates back home. My concern was whether 2 weeks were sufficient. I was relieved when she told me she managed to contact her aunt who was a lawyer. (Whoa, not bad huh, got lawyer in her family) Her aunt would help her make arrangements in her absence.

So on 17 Apr night, she left for home. Seriously, we don't know whether we'd see her again. Maybe she would decide to stay home and not come back. I've heard stories once they saw their children, they just couldn't bear to leave them again.

The next morning, I received an sms from Nancy, thanking us and saying how much she missed the 2 babies. (yes, she referred to Cavan and Verity as babies and darlings). For me, I just wanted her safely home and safely back.

When I went to church, a nursery helper told me that Nancy had mentioned to her that she was going back. And the helper gave the impression that Nancy might not return.

I was disheartened when I heard that. But we were quite prepared for that. We had to imagine the worst possible scenario so we would be prepared if that happened. I haven't heard from her one week since she left although I told to sms me once she reached home safely.

However, somehow we had the confidence that Nancy would return:

1. Her reluctance to go back. She ever mentioned that when her 2 years' contract was up, she'd rather take the money for her air ticket home than to go home.

2. She invited my dad to follow her back to the Philippines. They were quite close and I'm quite sure Nancy misses him too.

3. One night, Cavan told me that Auntie promised him a gift when she returns- chewing gum.
All these pointed to her resolve to return.

We shall see. *fingers crossed*

Smell Fetish

Ok, maybe "fetish" is an exaggerated word. But Verity seems to have a thing for smelling. Especially my clothes. Then she will either give a verdict whether it's "Nice", "Yucks!" or go on smelling to no end.

I'm between being super irritated having my blouse being tugged till it turns out of shape and exposing my bra strap, and being amused at her expression.

Perhaps this is her expression of establishing closeness and attachment. To me, I am of course happy that my gal wants a piece of me. But it's kind of embarrassing to expose my skin and strap in public, however open I may be.

Anyway, just let it be. I've never been really discreet anyway. ; p

The Rainbow and God's Promise

My breath was taken away, as I was walking home last Wed evening. I stopped at my track and wondered at such a beautiful sight. It was the biggest and most distinct rainbow I had ever seen.

I quickly called home and asked the kids to look out of the window while I dashed home to enjoy the moment together.

Cavan, awed by the gigantic arc across the sky, began to name the colours he saw while Verity peered through the window sill, wondering what the fuss was all about. Cavan then asked why was there a rainbow?

First, I gave a scientific explanation while trying to avoid jargons. It happens when sunlight bounces off small droplets of water in the air. It also shows God's love to us.

That night, we brought the kids out after dinner and told Cavan he could choose a book to buy. He chose one on Noah and the Ark. How nicely everything fitted into place!

That night during bedtime, we must have read the story many times. We reminded Cavan (and ourselves) that the rainbow shows us that God keeps His promises and that He loves us.

Thank you, God, for reminding us with a huge rainbow in case we miss it. Thank you for being with us every step of the way. May we not forget your presence in the midst of our busyness and continue to walk alongside with You. Amen!

Planning His Birthday

I think kids probably understand better what birthdays are all about after their 3rd birthday. For the first 3, birthday parties are pretty much what the parents want. Particularly for Cavan, he was rather nonchalant and dismissively just mentioned his invitees. For the 4th, the birthday star wants a say.

Birthday Theme
For Cavan's 4th birthday, he actually told me that he wanted a Disney Cars themed birthday around late Oct/ early Nov last year. This movie was out around three years ago! I was not sure if I could find stuff for the theme. And he was insistent about it. Thankfully, he told me early so I had time to source - in ebay, Spotlight, Toys 'R Us, pasar malams. As for the cake, he had a 3D car cake for his 3rd birthday already so I settled for a Swensen's ice cream cake with McQueen printed on it.

Wish fulfilled!

Invite List
OK, he had his way in the kind of birthday party he wanted. Next, was his guest list. I asked him who he wanted to invite for his birthday. He named three - Miss Gracie, Albert and one more person I couldn't remember who. I said, is that all? He replied yes. Well, it's going to be a quiet birthday party I think. Is there anyone else you want to invite, I asked. He thought for a while and said excitedly, oh yes! Mr Bean! I said, erm ok, it's going to be very expensive flying him to Singapore. Anyone else? He thought for a while and said, Power Rangers! Trying not to discourage him, I asked gently, ok is there anyone you want to invite that you don't see on TV?

So, Cavan this time wanted a say who he wished to see at his birthday party. That morning of his birthday, he asked if Ms Lilian was coming. Oops, no we didn't invite her. From here we know he wanted to include his teacher in his birthday celebration. This year we didn't celebrate in school since his birthday fell on a Sunday.

Cavan and his little friends

Countdown
He was really excited about it this time and kept asking, is it my birthday yet, like a broken record. We would tell him his birthdate, report the day and month and how long more to go. He began to learn about the concept of time through this. We also pointed him to the calendar and he learnt the concept of days and weeks. Finally it came down to next week, three days later and TOMORROW! Ya, he was so excited he woke up at 2.30am to help with decor.

Putting up for my party!

Prayer
The birthday party was one of the items he incorporated into his nightly prayers. Gosh, I didn't know it meant so much to him! It was nice hearing him talk to God about his plans and wishes and committing them to God.

Birthday Activity
He had told me that he wanted to make his own birthday cake. The Icing Room provided just that. So we took leave the next day to bring him to decor his own cake. He was looking forward to it! And he enjoyed it! After which, he couldn't wait to eat his own cake so we had it at New York New York. He wanted to eat straight from the cake tray, instead of cutting it. So we had to finish the whole cake in one sitting! Thankfully, it wasn't big!

Having his cake and eat it

We were really glad we managed to fulfil most of his wishes except for the Mr Bean and Power Rangers bit. The greatest fulfilment was when at the end of the day, he hugged us and said, "Thank you daddy, mummy! I'm really happy today!"

100 Days

Probably not the best thing to talk about during CNY, but today marks the 100th day since my mom's passing.

Till now, I find it hard to relate in detail about her death. I don't even want to think about it. I can't even bear to look at her photos. It just brings so much pain to my heart and I miss her so much.

Nevertheless, there were several thanksgivings. I'd probably blog about them next time.

I had talked about how different CNY would be without Mom, and this year we distinctly felt the difference.

Just by going to the market made me think of her. She loved the crowd and bustle during CNY, and would often go to the market during the mornings and nights to pick out the freshest. I felt I was plugging in the gap by going to the market on her behalf. We also went to the Jurong West pasar malam. No doubt it was without her, but somehow (unspokenly) we felt we had gone on her behalf.

Just passing by Chinatown made me think of her. She loved to soak in the atmosphere, never mind the crowd. I couldn't stand the crowd so we went to People's Park for a short while. I felt that I had done my duty.

Following her tradition, I bought new PJs for my kids and changed new bedsheets. Just a week ago, Dad passed me a set of PJs my mom bought for me last year. I couldn't bear to open to look at them.

I did what Mom would have done - buying Verity a set of Chinese costume. Very cheena, but Mom would have gushed with delight.

Waking up in the morning of 1st day, I thought of her veg bee hoon, her succulent meatballs with chestnuts and prawns, the smell of her sweet date soup and other foods she would prepare on 初一. I shall attempt to replicate these next time.

I was mentally prepared that Mom wouldn't be around for CNY this year but I am still coming to terms with this fact.

There are traditions from Mom that I am determined to keep, and to provide my children with these memories of CNY.

Ok, this year I was a little lazy and didn't carry them out full force. Next year then.

a child's prayer

It's always sweet to hear a child's prayer, for it comes from a believing heart unhibited by the world's constraints and reason.

Here's one un-guided prayer (verbatim) from Cavan as he prayed before bed last night. Something I'd like to remember and something for him to look back on in the years to come.

"Dear God, I pray for my throat, that it will become better.

Today is not my birthday yet. Pray that myself, daddy, mummy, verity, auntie, ah gong, ah ma, yeye, ah ngin, my teachers and my friends will all be there. On my birthday. Pray that we will be happy.

We also pray for my sister. Pray that she will grow up quickly. I am a strong boy because I can carry Verity. Also pray that she will learn to talk quickly, and don't talk like a baby.

In Jesus' Name, Amen!"