Go, Fly a Kite

It was one of those Saturday morning that we felt like going to West Coast Park for breakfast and activities. That day, we felt like flying a kite instead of playing sand. The weather was sunny and windy. Before long our kite took flight in the vast sky.

Run, Daddy, run!

Guess there's no point for me to run. Think I'll just wait...

Handover

Our $2- kite soaring proudly in the sky. Sadly the string was not long enough and loosen itself out of the reel. Freedom, the kite found.

A Sibling for Cavan

Initially I thought end 2006 would be a good time for Junior #2. But there were other schedules overridding the plan. I was offered by my company to take up a 9-month course, starting in July '06 till May '07. After that, need to serve 1-year bond. Take it, my colleagues goaded. After that, take maternity leave and shave 3 months off the bond! Good idea.

But still need to have some responsibility right. So we counted to make sure I needn't to leave halfway through my course. Okies... a good time to start planning would be Oct '06. Wait, wait, wait... I already signed up for the marathon so must wait till Dec!

So there, now I'm 19 wks.

Bump not showing much. Managed to keep the news from my parents till 2 weeks ago when Cavan started to chant "Got baby, got baby" while perching out his little tummy. My aunt got suspicious for a whole week (or 2) and finally pulled me aside and interrogated me. Finally, the truth was out. If I hadn't confessed it, they couldn't even tell...

Boy? Girl?

We wanted a surprise for our first baby. For the 2nd, we figured it was more interesting to find out the gender. Friends joked that we were more likely to have boys than gals cos we were meat lovers. And Dar always thought well of his vigour (ahem!).

However, we suspected that this time round should be a gal. Cos we suspected that she was conceived right after our 42.195 km marathon. Either that or that day when Dar was nursing a flu. Go figure.

1st Trimester

I expected lethargy and loss of appetite, as with my 1st pregnancy. On the contrary, I was still active, and had hunger pangs most of the time. I was famished every breakfast and was happy to have a cuppa in the afternoon, with chocolates, muffins, cakes and what-nots in the office.

I could still work out at the gym and did so till I was 5 mos. I worked out on treadmill, gliding machine and rowing machine. As I grew bigger, I stopped as people were looking worried and I didn't want unnecessary attention.

At 5wks

At 10 wks

Secret

Didn’t mean to keep it from my family. My mom’s health was declining with her arm and legs swollen with water retention due to the removal of her lymph nodes. Perhaps it was not the right time to disclose to them yet. Dar said perhaps this good news could lift up everyone’s spirits. Perhaps. But I was not ready.

New Car

Dar commented that with the expansion of our family. We could do with a bigger car. We sourced around and shortlisted Kia Caren, Toyota Wish. We spent Sunday afternoons at car showrooms and car dealers. Blah! I’d rather be somewhere shopping than hanging around machines which looked the same to me.

Then Dar spotted his dream at the car dealer. A RED Toyota Wish, sports version, sun roof. I was quite hesitant. Firstly, wasn’t it a better value getting a new car? Second, I had my doubts about a second-hand car. There must be something wrong. Car dealer said the car plate number helped previous owner to strike 4D many times and the owner has replaced it with a sports car. Yeah right.

Anyway, Dar really loved the car. So okay lah, knowing he wouldn’t buy without my blessings. Hmm… now to think about fitting in 2 car seats…

Violating the no-nos of 1st trimester

My gynae is quite a careful person. As per the 1st pregnancy, he would instruct the following no's:

No alcohol
No smoking
No sex
No raw food

Apart from the 1st 2, I violated all the rest. I also still continued with my coffee. I still love my sashimi and fresh oysters (ok, I ate them the day after I discovered #2. Clem was prohibitive. I argued that if I hadn't have the check. I would still eat anyway, right? He retorted that now I knew, I had the moral obligation to stay off. Ok, you win. Today's the last time. But can continue after 1st trimester.)

I was more worried about something else. Preggies are not supposed to go for hot spring or sauna. Unaware of my pregnancy, I went for hot baths during my hols in Taiwan, supposedly 3-4 weeks preg. I prayed hard that my baby was not harmed.

All said, I was adopting a more laissez-faire attitude even though I was already quite chin-chai during my 1st.

#2 Discovered

Missed my period so thought I'd better check with doc. Usually sychronised with a colleague's (EJ). If mine hadn't come and hers came, mine would be triggered by hers (amazing but true!). This time, nothing happened.

So I went to see the company doc at Capital Towers. I was having mixed feelings. Somewhat the same when I was seeing the doc when I suspected my 1st pregnancy. What if I wasn't? Then I would have felt let down, given my anticipation.

The doc this time was a different one. A lady. Oh my, she was super positive. Asked me if I had xxx and yyy symptoms. When I said yes, she exclaimed these were very good signs. This is not good, I thought. What if she raised false expectations. I asked these could be pre-menstrual signs too right? Yes, that's right. So I needed to do an urine test.

Came out positive. Well, we plan to have #2 in end 2007 so this was earlier than expected...

Smsed dar who called and expressed his excitement. Went back to office and handed my colleague my doc visit slip and she asked, "Are you pregger?" I just grinned and simply asked her to sign my slip.

That night, as Dar was on duty, I went to catch a show with Brenda and EJ. Oops! I left my wallet in the office! Brenda commented that I always become stupider during my pregnancy. Ya hor...

EJ commented that I seemed to take this announcement pretty well this time. For the 1st one, I was in shock the whole day and in denial for weeks.

5th Wedding Anniversary

This year, I hit the big "3". Looking back, I had spent almost half my life with Dar. We started dating since we were 17. Now, 13 years into our relationship, we are still very much in love. I thank God for this blessing. Many friends and colleagues have also commented that he's such a sweet hubby!

Our celebrations was simple this year. But to commemorate the 5th-year milestone, we wanted a more permanent gift. Dar suggested having a tattoo- permanent what, he said. My concern was, will I be able to explain to our kids when they grow, and to the kids in church, and to our pre-believing friends. Of course, it's up to our conviction but if there's a chance of it being a stumbling block, I'd rather not risk it.

So we got each other a ring. I got a better deal. His is silver, mine white gold with diamonds. Haha.

Our little son, the "ringbearer"

Finisher's T-shirt

I thought the marathon was something individualistic... Run your own race. But no... everyone I met was helping or encouraging another run his/ her own race too. It was so apt that the theme for this year's Stanchart Marathon was "Spirit on the Course". I was touched by many gestures I saw (and conversations heard) along the way...

* When we were still running on the Marina route, the first runners had turned around. All of us clapped and cheered rejoicing on their excellent performance.
* Someone saw another runner struggling at 6th km and encouraged him to keep steady to maintain his form.
* Church groups setting up spots at East Coast Park to provide refreshment relief to runners.
* Passer-bys clapping and cheering us, total strangers, on.
* A runner guiding another hearing-impaired (?) runner
* When we were making the return trip along Fort Rd (34km), a man was hobbling (probably from an injury) across the road, still at his 20th km. Someone ran over and passed him a heat rub, as the paramedics would have run out of stock by the time he reached East Coast Park.
* A 53-year-old man was asking how long more to run and was accompanied by a group of men in their 30s- 40s to make their journey back together.

When we were queueing up to collect our bags, we would just make small talk with others and share our stories.

There were no strangers. Everyone was encouraging one another and rejoicing together at the finish point.

I recalled comments about Singaporeans being self-centred and ungracious. I did not see this in the course. There is, really, somewhere in us that still wants to give...

Stepping Down

2 weeks ago, I made a difficult decision. I stepped down as a Children's Church teacher after 10 years' of service.

In 1996, I had a stint at Children's Church when everyone from YAC were posted to ministries of their choice for 2 months. That was to give us a "foretaste" of serving in ministries. During my stint, I taught a lesson even though I had no experience. I taught "The Lord's Prayer".
It became a place where I grew over the next 10 years. In the past, teachers "bao ka liao" (meaning: do everything). From teaching, to worship leading, to playing instruments, to acting, to coaching, to counselling, to doing props. Soon, because of a need, I suddenly became a keyboardist. Something I was not ready to do.

Well, I learned organ but had lost touch for 5 years. Of course, I fumbled so many times but because having something was better than having nothing, people were more forgiving. I was stretched by God in this area. Teaching then was something that came easily for me. Not playing the keyboard. I had to trust God and entrust whatever gift He had given me.

playing keyboard,coaching Mei Yin (a student then)

After I got the hang of playing, God yet presented me with another area of growth. I was asked to be the superintendent of CC3 in 2002. It was something I took on with much fear and trembling. It was also humbling for me. But when God called, He also equipped and provided. I praise Him for His goodness.

This year, as Cavan turned one, I began to seriously think about my involvement. Guilt overcame me when I had to juggle between my child and my children at CC. I was giving half my best to them. I took a gradual step for 2nd half of 2006 in relinquishing my position as supt. For 2007, I decided not to commit as a cell teacher, but would stay in my Worship & Teaching team (duty once in a month).

It will continue to be my prayer that children will establish a strong foundation in God's Word and experience God in their lives. That they will growing up loving and serving Him.

Through the Years

Happy again

Blowing out candles

Playing with Fire

It was Mid-Autumn Festival. One of the rare times when children could play with fire "legitimately".

We allowed Cavan to "play" with fire too, while spending the evening at my in-laws'. He was rather excited over his first lantern with candle. (Last year, he had those battery-operated ones that played music incessantly till it drove one nuts.)

Until he saw the rows of candles as he approached Bt Purmei Hill. Candles were more fun than his lantern.

Kids were lining up candles along the pavement. Cavan dashed forward and started blowing the fire out.

Soon after, he was curious about the flame and tried grabbing it. As my in-laws and Clem tried to stop him, I reasoned that we might as well let him touch the small (harmless) flame so he knew how it would feel like. No much point for us to shout "Hot! Hot!". At this age, kids don't register concepts.

Well, he did complain a little after getting burnt but at least he was careful not to touch the flame thereafter.

Army Half-Marathon

It's something I would not imagine I 'd do after becoming a mother- running the Army Half-Marathon on 27 Aug.

It all started with the charity M.I.L.K. run on 1st week of July. That was just 4.4 km. The only problem was, it was at scorching hot 3.30pm.

That started the search for more runs for me and my colleague EJ. We signed up for New Balance Real Run (10km) held at Sentosa on 20 Aug. It was good bcos of the goodie bag.

Then she goaded me into signing up for Army Half-Marathon. Are you crazy? I've just gotten used to the notion of running 10km, now suddenly go for 21km?

All said, running IS addictive. The more I run, the more I want to run MORE. Soon, clocking 8-9 km per evening run is not enough anymore. Dar and I spent a couple of Saturday mornings with EJ clocking distance at East Coast Park, Hillview-Bt Timah-Bt Batok- Jurong East-Clementi. For a while, I thought we had gone mad.

Unexpectedly, the 21km experience was exhilarating. It was better (and easier) than I thought. Perhaps once you've gone through childbirth without epidural, you can go through anything.

Now the ultimate madness: We just signed up for the StanChart Marathon.

Hopefully Cavan can share that love for sports, like his daddy and mommy. Running-wise, I'm not sure. He seems to have flat feet. Just like his daddy.

Forgiven

I didn't think my baby would be angry with me. I thought he would rush to the door, smile brightly and greet me with a sunshine "Hi!", like how he usually does when I reach my parents' place after work.

This time, he didn't even come to the door even after my father called for him. And not even after I called him.

He was angry. I hadn't shown up for 3 days.

I found him in the master bedroom with Aunt Judy and Unc Eric. When I greeted him, he was nonchalant about my appearance. I offered, "Come, mommy hug." He got up and I thought he would throw himself into my arms. No, he turned the other way and hugged a mattress instead. I was so hurt.

Next, he showed his anger. He opened a drawer where he would usually hide his treasures consisting batteries, my mom's long-sighted glasses, alarm clock etc. Then he banged it close. And he repeated it.

Aunt Judy exclaimed, Oh Cavan is angry with mommy. He fell sick over the weekend and mommy wasn't even with him.

I felt so, so bad.

I was walking out of the room when he followed me. I quickly turned around and tried to catch him. He giggled, turned around in attempts to escape, like how we would play catching. He let out a squeal of laughter when I managed to grab him. As soon as I carried him, he put his head on my shoulder and patted my arm.

I was forgiven. Ahh... the healing power of forgiveness.

Travelling without my baby

I made a last minute arrangement with my colleague to fly to Hong Kong over the weekend. There was a lot of hesitation. I wasn't concerned about the impulsive plan. Neither was I concerned about having to fork out that money when I could have saved it for our Melbourne trip later this year (no big deal, I'm going to get my bonus).

I am so going to miss my son.

Somehow motherhood makes a person all cushy and mushy. Usually I'm the sort- just follow your head (yep, my hubby is more of a heart person). This time, I feel I'm abandoning my child to enjoy!

Why did I feel different last June when Clem and I skipped off to Bali when Cavan was 4 months old? I could just go. Ah, I know. Cavan then was just a babe. It didn't matter whether I was there. He didn't have a concept of a mother being. As long as his main caretaker (his grandma) was there, it was fine. No separation anxiety.

Now it's different. He recognised me as mummy. How can mummy even go anywhere without him? That's what he thinks. Hmm... I feel more wanted, more needed. Hence more difficult to leave.

Finally, I feel like a mother.

New Age Dad

Clem is a very hands-on dad while I confess to be a lazy mom. Well, I've made it clear to him at the beginning even before we were married (read: disclaimer... haha!) that I'm going to be a lazy mom cos I can't stand doing chores and I'm not as patient as him.

Clem has been the perfect dad. 100%. I have been deeply moved by the things he had done for Cavan and in a way, he did it for me. Last June was the 1st Father's Day for him. I got him a card and wrote the following on behalf of Cavan, who was 4 months old then. This is so that Cavan can know what his dad did for him.

"Dear Daddy,
although I am only 4 months, you have already done so many things for me:
~ when I went home at 3 days old, mummy did not have milk for me yet. You were afraid I would get thirsty so you fed me water, spoon by spoon very patiently.
~ you were the one who bathed me when mummy was in confinement. And you sang me songs and talked to me while you did that, so I won't be afraid.
~ I had colic for almost 3 weeks everyday when I turned 3 weeks old. I would cry and cry and cry. Nothing could calm me. You went without sleep and carried me and rocked me, so mummy could rest. Eventually I would be so comforted that I fell asleep together with you, with my head on your chest.
~ I liked it when you read to me especially when you held my hand to feel the crispy house and the woolly sheep.
~ When I woke up for night feeds you would wake up and prepare the bottle for me. You have never complained about losing your sleep.
~ You would sit me on your lap and sing songs to me. I still remember the songs you sang when I was in mummy's tummy. And that we always played "catch".
~ I really loved to look at your face and listening to your voice. They are so filled with love.

There are so, so many things you have done for me. This card is too small to contain.

Thank you, Daddy, for loving me. And thank you for loving mummy. I don't know how to repay you for your unconditional love. But right now, I know I can love you back. You are my world. All I have now comes from you. So when I look at you and smile and kick my legs and wave my arms, I am actually saying, "I love you, Daddy!"

Love, Baby Cavan
June 2005



I just want to tell my beloved hubby "Happy Father's Day"!

Character

Since Cavan was an infant, we had known him to have a mild temper. Even when he cried, it was not a bawling-kind of cry. Just a soft whimper with a pout even though he was hungry or uncomfortable from a soiled nappy.

Well, we can say that Cavan has a gentle spirit which is totally unlike me. People called him a "gentleman". He takes after his dad in this aspect.

As he grew, this personality became more distinct as we saw his interaction with other kids. Most of the time, if he were to play with a toy and someone comes along and snatches it away, he would just move to another toy.

I witnessed how he was "bullied" by a kindergartner. A 6-yr-old girl was playing a toy piano at a store. Cavan went up to her, observed for a while and "asked" if he could join in. (Usually he would "talk" to the person first when wanting to share something.) Then his little fingers dabbled at the keys. To my surprise, the gal took Cavan's hand and flung it off. Was Cavan's ego badly bruised? Not at all. He tried again and received the same treatment.

With these, he left for other toys. But I was fuming. This gal has no manners! I looked at her mom and gave a see-what-your-daughter-did kind of look. The mom told her "Share with didi." The gal called Cavan back. Of course, by this time, Cavan couldn't be bothered with her at all.

As for me, I was quite disturbed. I told Clem "Bebe has no fighting spirit! So unlike me!" Clem looked at me and asked, "Is this what you want our son to be? To learn how to fight?" Clem's philosophy was that you don't need to be aggressive to get your way. And you don't need to always get your way. He explained that Cavan could do without these stuff hence he could do without a fight (or a cry). He is secure and confident.

That really brought my senses back. I should let my son grow in his spirit and emotion, without expectation of what is the "right" behaviour.

Sand-sational!

Been looking forward to the trip to Sentosa. We're sure Cavan would love it too since he's an active baby and loves to explore new stuff.

This was the very 1st time he's seen and played with sand. He couldn't keep his hands off the sand. Initially, he kept grabbing a handful then see it slowly dribble to the ground. Oftimes, he forgot and put his sandy hand to his mouth and had to call for help to remove sand from his mouth...

His sand-skills upgraded to scooping and emptying the spade off a container (in this case, his truck). Although he loved the water, this time he'd rather do the scooping job as the salty water proved too sizzling to his eyes.